Your writing is strong, with a shade of chilling, evocative diction and an elegant way of expressing deep sentiments.    You have potential, and I would like to give you some constructive criticism to enhance your innate ability. Your word choice is inconsistent, ranging from superbly selected words to distracting, unrelated, or unnecessary ideas. Your best pieces are terse and simple, yet elegant and potent. Strive not for quantity, but for the quality that is clearly attainable for you. For example, ending a line without finishing an idea is a powerful way to provide emphasis for a single word that serves as its own line. i.e. "'Tis often said, the nearer in blood, the nearer bloody."   You used this technique well, but a few too many times, diluting the ability it has for emphasis, as seen in the first six lines of your piece.    Your grammar has some lapses, but nothing that cannot be quickly mended. Do not forget the power of capital letters and punctuation -- so elementary and basic, yet all too many pieces attempt to transmit a sense of discord, rebellion, youth etc. by purposely ignoring grammar; it is all and well, but only in select pieces. Your poem is terrific, but I think your choice for an omission of punctuation and capitalization actually detracts from your piece.    Forgive me if I am wrong, but it seems yours was an impromptu poem. This produced a raw and intense piece, but it also digressed quickly. Structure can be improved; I missed an overarching message or mood, which if you aimed for, seemed absent. To remedy this tendency, either continue writing short poems such as "cutting", or reflect before you write a lengthier piece. If you focus on a single emotion/opinion/message etc., you are most certainly going to produce something marvelous.   You write very well. I enjoy every piece you produce, (though I comment rarely). I do not mean to discourage you in any way -- I only provide critique to those I think are worth the effort of writing to. Continue your work; I enjoy it immensely.

;)THANK YOU!

nice structure & good insight, all around good job