If I had known that the
stunted breath on my cheek
would be the last time you whispered my name,
Would I have not yelled out yours?
Your trembling hand in mine;
saying that everything would be okay.
And even as the stars fell from their skies,
you held me close and pointed to the moon.

If I had known that your eyebrows, tight in a worried line
meant goodbye,
I would have cherished so much more your Hellos.
And sang hallelujahs at your feet,
begging you not to go.

Your tiny impossible hands reached up
towards a light that you couldn’t find.
Even as you bent on hands and knees searching.
The tears on your cheeks were not from a sadness in your heart,
but a never ending blankness in your soul.

If I had known that your blue eyes could look so lifeless,
so dull and uninspired,
I wouldn’t have ever let you sleep.
Fearing that when you awoke they wouldn’t be the same shade of cerulean,
that once shone like two worlds creating their own unstoppable universe.

If I had known that the catch in your words,
when you said such soft promises to me,
meant that you wouldn’t be around long enough to keep them,
Would I have stopped the clock and sat forever with you,
petting your forehead and vowing to keep you warm?

Your mother does not speak to me anymore.
She hides herself away from the memory of your sighs on broken skin,
and I fall to my knees beside you on muddy ground.
And as my chipped fingers caress the stone of your face
I think that without you, I am so far away.