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_Why?_
March 26, 2015
Sometimes, I wonder why I’m even here.
Why I need to be. Why I have to be.
What purpose it there in these rusty gears
That have forgotten how to turn?
Who wants a bluebird that can’t sing,
A butterfly who has lost her wings?
And how the hell can I begin to live
When all I do is crash and burn?
It hits me.
Without warning, without a sound.
Sometimes, I don’t even know it’s there.
But it is.
Weaving itself like a web through the crevices of my soul,
It infiltrates me. And it knows me.
It knows my weaknesses, my fears, my failures.
It knows it can manipulate me quicker than I know how to deal with it.
And it knows that it will win.
How can I let it win?
I’m trying, really, I am.
But it would be better
If I just understood
Why.
© Daniel H., Oak Bluffs, MA
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This article has 12 comments.
BeautyWhispers PLATINUM said...
on Apr. 9 2015 at 1:41 pm
* way Beautiful keep it up!
BeautyWhispers PLATINUM said...
on Apr. 9 2015 at 1:40 pm
This is deep and emotional and I loved it! It stars great from the very beginning and stays sturdy the whole day.
@RobotPenn., no, thank *you* for actually taking the time to write such a thoughtful response! I hear your point on simplicity--sometimes the beauty is in how few words it takes to convey emotion. And I'm totally with you on the fascinating part. That's why I love to hear what people think of my writing (here, and in the real world), and I think it's the unexpectedly strong connections you end up making with people that make writing become magic. :)
RobotPenn. SILVER said...
on Apr. 7 2015 at 10:58 am
@Beila is totally right, you had some beautiful sentences in the beginning. The end is still my absolute favorite, probably just because I'm a sucker for simplicity. That said, I can see how one can read it as a little disconnected from the rest of the poem because of its lack of your lovely imagery. Try adding to it, if you'd like. But the main idea of the end is still what I find best about this piece. It's fascinating to see what different people get from the same piece of writing. In fact, that might just be my favorite part about it. Thanks, @Beila for pointing that out to me, it's made me look at this poem in a deeper way. :)
AvengeMyBrokenSong GOLD said...
on Apr. 7 2015 at 7:11 am
Wow, I've never gotten such a heartfelt compliment, thanks!:) Will do for future work!^_^
Actually, I have to counter @RobotPenn. (Sorry, you're awesome!) I thought you started really strong, and I wanted more out of the ending. My favorite lines were "Who wants... crash and burn?" I really connected with that imagery, that hopeless feeling of looking up and being too far down to see the light. "Crevices in my soul" and "It knows me" are such strong lines. Something about "it would be better" in the end seemed too simple for this gorgeous imagery you'd had set up before. I'd encourage you to play with the wording in the last few lines, but the overall poem is fabulous. By the way, one of the most beautiful things about poetry is that it touches every person differently, and congratulations, you've accomplished that here. :)
AvengeMyBrokenSong GOLD said...
on Apr. 6 2015 at 11:44 am
@RobotPenn. Thanks, that means a lot to hear that from such an amazing writer!:)
RobotPenn. SILVER said...
on Apr. 6 2015 at 11:18 am
This is really good. Especially the end. I really like the structure there. It felt like a stream of consciousness, summarizing the rest of the poem in five simple lines that actually, kinda broke my heart. Needless to say, great job! I loved it. :)
AvengeMyBrokenSong GOLD said...
on Apr. 3 2015 at 8:23 am
Aw, thanks! I try to write from the heart. What use is there in writing something if you can't genuinely feel it and say you have experienced it?
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