To You Whom the Pressure has Made Crumble | Teen Ink

To You Whom the Pressure has Made Crumble

October 20, 2015
By NymeriaWaters PLATINUM, Holland, Michigan
NymeriaWaters PLATINUM, Holland, Michigan
20 articles 0 photos 22 comments

Favorite Quote:
"We are all Worms, but I do believe I'm a glow worm"- Winston Churchill


It was not so long ago that we were inseparable
Not so long ago that you were as close as a brother
You and I dreamed big
My dreams flew high
Yours started too lofty
It was not so long ago that we contained a piece of each other's minds
That one well spoken word could dissolve us to laughter
That one well raised eyebrow could make my mouth twitch at the corners
That one well timed reference could spark a conversation to last hours
Not so long ago we planned our futures
Each of our many versions entwining with the others
Not a day went by when we didn’t talk
Not a memory went by that we didn’t make the most of
That was not so long ago
Not everything should have changed

This is to you whom the pressure has made crumble
This is for you
My best friend
Who has been irrevocably lost
This is to you who has become distant
This is to you who tries desperately to be alright
You don’t dream like you used to
Your dreams are edited in your mind and never born
You no longer laugh
Your strained smile is all the mirth I receive
Your future is no longer fun
No longer daring
No longer mine
This is to you whom the pressure has made crumble
This is to my friend
The one who has broken
The one who will never again be mine



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This article has 4 comments.


on Jun. 4 2016 at 8:58 pm
ambivalent SILVER, West Bend, Wisconsin
7 articles 0 photos 180 comments

Favorite Quote:
everything in life is writable about if you have the outgoing guts to do it, and the imagination to improvise. the worst enemy to creativity is self-doubt. [sylvia plath]

The only thing I would consider changing is the conciseness of it - as in, some lines are wordy. Other than that, I'd just switch descriptive adjectives into descriptive nouns and verbs :) overall, lovely poem! I really enjoyed reading it, and I encourage you to keep writing. You are incredibly talented!!

on Dec. 23 2015 at 2:20 pm
MadelineMainn PLATINUM, New Castle, Indiana
29 articles 0 photos 7 comments

Favorite Quote:
"I always entertain great hopes." -Robert Frost

I really like this. "This is to you whom the pressure has made crumble" is a gorgeous line, and I love the repetition in the second verse. I also think it was great how you set it up: first, the before, and then the after. I kind of like how we don't know what prompted the after, or what it entailed--that slight air of mystery is perfect. The only thing that could use some work is the rhythm in the second verse; other than that, I think this is really well-done, very emotional, and beautifully honest. Great job!

on Dec. 15 2015 at 4:56 pm
writer-violist DIAMOND, Jenks, Oklahoma
63 articles 4 photos 84 comments

Favorite Quote:
“There is no greater agony than bearing an untold story inside you.”
― Maya Angelou, I Know Why the Caged Bird Sings

I definitely do not think that this is bad at all! This is very good! I like all the emotion and the diction that you chose to use. It adds emotion and is compelling to the reader. I like how at the very end of the second stanza that you repeat what you did at the beginning of it. In the first stanza, I felt like you might need some punctuation for the ideas and some connecting words, such as end between some of the lines because a few of them leave you feeling like there really isn't a closure to the phrase. A little bit of punctuation would benefit your second stanza, too, but of course if the poem is not supposed to have punctuation, then don't put any in. :). This is a very, deep, emotion, awesome poem. Please keep writing, I'd like to see more, and God bless! :-)

on Dec. 14 2015 at 3:13 pm
guard-girl GOLD, Clover, South Carolina
10 articles 11 photos 147 comments

Favorite Quote:
"Trust in the Lord with all your heart, and do not depend on your own understanding. Seek His will in all you do, and he will show you which path to take."
Proverbs 3:5-6

Wow -- I like it!! It's really deep, and the language you use is spot-on :) the only confusing thing I encountered was the lines with "Make the most of" and "that was not so long ago" how to say that sentence was a little bit confusing; other than that, it was very enjoyable, and I can't wait to read what you write next! :)