My daughter is going to keep secrets like me

She's going to leave the house- sneak out before I awake

And when she gets back she'll say

She went on a nature walk

She's gonna talk back and talk smack when we both know that I know better

But I'll let her pretend she's got something over my head

My daughter is going to hide things like me

She's going to say she got home late because

There was a great, big accident on I-68 and how she hates seeing

Beautiful cars get totaled...

My daughter is going to lie, like me

She's going to claim her underwear got ripped because

She was trying to straddle a fence

No offense, honey, but it's a little indecent to

Climb fences in drawers, don't you think?

My daughter is going to get her precious little heart broken

If she's anything like me, she's a sitting duck, wide and open

Hoping they'll last happily ever after

But boys are prone to disaster and she's going to learn that

Love is a wrecking ball, trampolines are covered with snow, and life?

Life is a wad of bubblegum

When all the crack, pop, crinkle... flavor...

Is gone, you're left with tasteless rubber you want to spit out...

But you can't

My daughter is going to learn that I have been on quite a few nature walks

That I know the trails with my eyes shut

That nature- the contours of his body and the beating of his manly heart- is not always beautiful

That beautiful is the blossoms in her eyes, the stars in her smile, and the sass in her speech

She's going to learn that she's not as invincible as she thinks

That her mother is not as stupid as she thinks

That the world isn't as nice as she thinks

And if she's anything like me, my daughter

Is going to be a smart, strong, resilient, kickass, gentlewoman who gets up every time she falls and I...

I'm going to love her