I am a contradiction

an unforseen complication--

an unwise compiliation

of bitter brudges burned,

of nonsense words re-etched

into scarred skin,

and secrets whisper-thin

and all the twisted tales you spin

from thin air up through

coiled pens,

from where the crumbling sidewalk ends

and far below, the river bends

I am an earthquake

the way the ground shakes

rumbling under soft bare feet

breaking the hardened concrete

and releasing fire into the street

a forest blaze collecting trees

hissing red sparks beneath their leaves

an angry snake to sputter up

his smoking lips to sweeter cups

I am dropped silverware

scattered beneath where we might care

shattered glass fell everywhere,

memories of handlebars

of candied wax and wagon cars

of ghosts from stories long ago told

secrets to vaporized to hold

I am not

anything I wished to be

wrote about or yearned to see,

I am not a pretty kiss

blown from a mother's painted lips

or flowers split through braided hair

or all the ways I was taught to care

and all too often I am too much to bear

too much to hug or love or desire

because these are memories that hurt to inquire

of skinned knees, burned elbows and skin

leave me screaming, starving, thin,

believing all I could ever own

would come from holding on to sin

I am melting candle wax

mending bleeding stabbed backs

trying to learn to read thick books

beneath the shade of pine tree nooks

devastation of a shadowy kind

and a hollow stairway to a frozen mind

as I become less

I feel that I am more

I am seams ripping open sores

wishing they could reach my core

leaning upon liars

and rum-beaten lips

caught in the middle

of fast sinking ships

I am not 

all I believed to be worthy

not all I was taught was true

or how I learned to feel power

or all pictures turned askew

I am still being taught

on various pages

that all I've done wrong, yet despite,

I still perhaps might be alright.