Thank you so much this is incredibly helpful.

For starters, I can tell you have a very lyrical and developed writing style:) I like your ideas, and I think to elevate this piece you may consider finding ways to make it more powerful. Consider breaking it into stanzas, or adding more punctuation. Maybe rhyming? or dropping some "the s" etc. More specifically, Instead of beginning with "We," consider "you and I," or something to draw the reader in. You don't know if everyone's closest experience with death is a water gun fight, but you can be pretty confident that a teenage reader's is:P also, consider a line break or something before you say it is a water gun... that could add to the suspense! When you say "throwing around being alive," you could even add some dialogue.... Just some suggestions for making the piece have more levels:) Instead of saying "tomorrow morning," maybe say each morning... I am a bit confused what the line "And dream, Or so it seems." is about. In the 5th from last line, you don't need "still" Hope some of my rambling ideas help!!