Between you and I,
I miss the days where I watched the land meet the sky.
I miss seeing the waves reach out,
laying a kiss upon the sun bleached shore,
Placing my hand upon the waters edge, knowing there’s something more in store for me someday,
I miss feeling the sense of hope, though it vanished all that time ago,
Simply left an empty vessel of who I once was, and everything that I hoped to be.
I was a walking corpse,

Every breath I took was poison,

I was dying as I was breathing,
I was a demon in this world of angels,
A spirit wandering among the planes of this world, aimlessly pacing,
I kept searching for a place that would feel like home again,
It never came, I had never found it.
Every day it seemed as though I was drowning,
I watched everyone circle me, drawing in their deep breaths, mocking me with their spirited freedom,
They had found their serenity where in this world I could not,
Each swallow I take, seems so empty, captivating me in this hatred,
Why is it feeling as though the harder I try the harder I keep failing,
Losing myself in my own mind once again, trapped in these nightmares that were once such beautiful dreams,
Beautiful
Abominations,
In my mind's eye, they were the only thing I had left to hold on to that would keep me sane.
I become lost in this maze of my brain, confused by the way my emotions begun to fade,
Left without the feelings I once had,
Confused by the way I used to be happy; but no longer know how to be,
Stuck walking this tight rope, trying to keep going, reaching for safety that was no longer there,
You walked in front of me, I followed you footsteps,
I followed you because I once thought that you were the one that held the most strength,
I realize now that I was wrong in that time,
But through this it was too late for me to reach out,
And save you as you fell,
The sobriety slipped away, coaxed back to the bottles that numbed me like before,
Urged to let the pills slip down my throat once more,
As they once had, the chalky film, left on my tongue,
Washed down with the bitterly divine novocain we used to drink into the night,
Numbed together, forgetting the ache we once shared, ebbing each other on,
Left wishing for the bedtime stories that you once convinced me to sleep with,
Convincing me that everything would someday be okay,
Left blowing out the candles upon the cake, wishing every time that my life would slip away,
Inhaling their smoke… half wishing you would just come home,
I thought I was a soldier, because I led others to the top,
But all I did was let myself drop,
My skin slowly became my canvas, and a cold piece of metal was my brush,
I let myself fall into this hellish place, just to get this brief rush,
I was lost in this pool, when I thought I could swim, though fell into a sea of despair,
Drowning in the pain that shrouded my life, lost gasping for air,
The ones I once called my friends that once created my backbone, packed their bags and traveled along with me,
But soon left me at this cliff, and they were the ones that pushed me over the edge and watched me fall,
Clutching my bruised hands at my torn throat, waiting for the freedom to call me in,
I am left to wonder how this all changed,
Left throwing pennies into the well, wishing for the better
To have the water spit them back, to rickashay into the bullet hole of my heart, tired of the copper poisoning I left it with my dreams,
Left alone to wonder what I will someday become,
Wondering if I will ever be better, waiting for the wounds to heal, though left to bandage it myself,
Confused by the way I was lost in this world, because of the thoughts that filled my own head,
Wishing there was some way this broken heart can be cut away, as it feels as though it is no longer beating,
Now I draw in my breaths, escaping as the nightmares fade, and become dreamless sleep once more,
Here I wait, at heaven's gates, taking my seat, waiting for you to greet me,
Like you once did, all that time ago, like the day we met,
You will hold me the way you used to,
And I will settle into my home once more, into to your arms I lay,
Free at last,
Because of this beautiful abomination.