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Death Count

February 4, 2015
By MysticMusic ELITE, Waterloo, Other
More by this author
MysticMusic ELITE, Waterloo, Other
116 articles 0 photos 118 comments

Favorite Quote:
“You only live once, but if you do it right, once is enough.” -Mae West
"It had long since come to my attention that people of accomplishment rarely sat back and let things happen to them. They went out and happened to things." - Leonardo Da Vinci

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Listed on a crisp paper

were bright and colourful lives, 

sleeping beneath graves.

© Kris B., Lewisville, TX

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JOIN THE DISCUSSION

This article has 2 comments.

MysticMusic ELITE said...
on Mar. 11 2015 at 8:30 pm
MysticMusic ELITE, Waterloo, Other
116 articles 0 photos 118 comments

Favorite Quote:
“You only live once, but if you do it right, once is enough.” -Mae West
"It had long since come to my attention that people of accomplishment rarely sat back and let things happen to them. They went out and happened to things." - Leonardo Da Vinci

View profile
I didn't even realise I accidentally had two extra syllables in the first line until you pointed it out. Oops. Well, it would be difficult to convey that same message without those two syllables, so I suppose it isn't that serious of an offence. I usually do follow the 5-7-5 pattern, but apparently not for this poem. And also, yes that the message I tried to convey, thank you. Though the more subtle message would be that the cheery people who lived happy lives died from a tragic plague or a war or the like.
CaseyChickenWang SILVER said...
on Feb. 8 2015 at 3:25 pm
CaseyChickenWang SILVER, McDonough,
7 articles 2 photos 89 comments

Favorite Quote:
"No one likes half-jinglers! Jingle all the way!" - Shelley McNeight
"You don't get what you deserve, you get what you negotiate." - GSUMUN

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This poems is so beautiful! True, many throughout history have lived bright and colorful lives. However, I believe haikus follow a 5-7-5 pattern? Not sure if you can be flexible with it. Otherwise, it's great!