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Clandestine Heartbeats
October 30, 2011
October evening bathed our souls with light,
Illuminating shoulders ‘gainst the sea;
Our heartbeats ran through winds and through the night,
Appreciating fin’lly being free.
Your French was weak, though ‘twas melodic too;
Through tears you whispered “bye,” a hated word
That I would love to never hear from you,
For leaving you once more is just absurd.
Your voyage would depart in moment’s time,
Yet I could not remove my grasp from yours;
To shift my gaze from yours––a dreadful crime,
A sin much like what does these ghastly shores.
For though this ship may mar your heart with holes,
Its journey cannot sep’rate our joint souls.
© Brian M., Fishers, IN
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This article has 10 comments.
I've got one sonnet coming through, one free verse poem and one in iambic pentameter but not any recognized form.. should be interesting :) This is such an incredible facility... Hahah, same I have about 200 poems/stories/papers written on my own back by now
A_____ said...
on Nov. 9 2011 at 5:49 am
You did a very nice job with this. I like the phrase "joint souls." Special piece :)
You too! I submitted a piece 7 weeks ago that still is waiting to be approved....but I submitted this one last week and it was approved within 3 days. It's a very odd process, you just have to let it happen when it does haha. I'm keeping an eye out for your work for sure! :) And don't worry, I don't think I ever stop writing (I have what, 50-odd pieces posted on this website alone)? :]
Thank you! I see what you mean with your criticism, and I appreciatingly accept it. I honestly am so glad that you have enjoyed my work! I would love to read yours, but you have not posted anything yet--I shall be waiting for you to do so! Thank you so much for the subscription as well :)
Any criticism I would add would be meant in purely a constructive sense, you understand :) A voyage does not depart in the same way that a ship or a cruise does, that's a tiny thing though, and that line about French, being weak but also melodic, would not be out of place in any proper poetic anthology. I can not stress this enough, this is fantastic. Subscribed :)
