5th Twilight: Glistening Sin (Renesmee's Story) Chapter 2 | Teen Ink

5th Twilight: Glistening Sin (Renesmee's Story) Chapter 2

October 25, 2009
By dkA.M SILVER, Vail, Arizona
dkA.M SILVER, Vail, Arizona
8 articles 0 photos 87 comments

chapter 2

My eye lids were suddenly drowned with sunlight. It startled me to the point that I had to open my eyes to see what it was. But I guess it was brighter than it seemed . My golden locks of hair were velcroed to my sheets and my fore head was covered with sweat bullets from my previous nightmare. I leaned forward and gazed around my room that had grasped the suns rays almost instantly after I opened my shades. My skin was twinkling in the light and it almost made me impressed to be me, but then I got over my ego. My room was painted a dark shade of purple and fluttering butterflies swirled across my border that was posted at top of my walls. My crib was hand painted by Grandma. It was a bright teal color which reminded me of Jacob and I going to la Push and skipping rocks across the waves. Well mine were rocks Jacob's were boulders. My crib was his muscular figure twirling me round and round. It was his cocoa eyes, his shaggy hair.

My bedroom door was open and I could see the hallway wall outside my room with our family photo hanging on it. Daddy and Mommy were both kissing me on my cheeks. Dad kissing me on the left, Mom on the right. I was smiling in the middle, my hair was flowing down past the cut off of the picture.

I was curious to see if they were out of the bedroom yet. Mom had told me last night that they had somethings to do while I was sleeping. I'm guessing paperwork or something.

"Momma? Are you done with that work you had to do? I'm up!" I whispered this so quietly you could probably hear Auntie Alice walk into the room. I had no reason to yell it. Momma could hear that whisper from a mile away.

"Uhh... just a sec Nessie I need to get dresss... uh get my shoes on. " she said quietly back at me. I could hear a lot to, but I guess my dad said I am a very hard sleeper and never wake up until the sun rises, once I fall asleep. How would he know that? Did he put a air horn next to my ear and blow it or something?

"Ok" I muttered. In an instant they were both standing at my door. Dad smiling wonderfully, Mom as well. I hopped out of the crib and walked torwards them. I hugged them both at the knees because I could not reach any farther. I stared up and saw a smile from both of them. They stared at each other for a moment and then Dad said to her, "Maybe when we get in the car."

Ever since mom learned how too let Dad into her mind, I could never understand their conversations. It made me angry and I stared frustrated at both of them and of course, they laughed, knowing what I just thought.

"It's not funny!" I exclaimed

"We are not laughing at you Nessie." Dad said "It's just we are excited thats all."

"For what?" I asked, curious now.

"It's a surprise." Mom answered with a shining grin on her face.

"Ok well I will get dressed with my new wardrobe and I will meet you outside to go to get some breakfast. I am feeling for a little A positive, hopefully Grandpa has some." I smiled, so did they and then they were gone and out of sight talking in the living room.

I glided towards my walk in closet and was surprised to see what Auntie Alice had provided for me. Ahh Gucci, Chanel, and Juicy Couture filled the air. I could not believe all the new clothing that was in there. I decided to go with something casual. Chanel boots, Gucci skinny jeans, and a Juicy Couture top with a white tiger imprinted on it fit the bill.

I slid off my pajamas and something shiny caught my eye. It was the heart locket my mom had gotten for me for Christmas last year which dangled around my pale neck. I adored that piece and would just crumble if I lost it. I slid on my clothes and snatched my pack that I wore everywhere I went. Ever since my mom gave it to me on that day of misery when the Volturi came, it was cemented to my back.

I walked out of my room and into the hallway to see Mom and Dad waiting for me. They were sitting in the cozy seat and they had the fire going. It was so warm compared to the weather we had been having. These snow storms were crazy.

"Ready Ness?" Daddy asked as he reached out for me to grab his hand.

I did and then exclaimed,"Always."

He grinned and then slung me onto his back. We flew out our wooden door and raced to the mansion. The freezing cold nipped my nose and it felt nice at first but then it became just plain cold. Mom was right behind me drifting back and forward, left to right. It seemed like she was having fun. I know I was having fun watching her.

The temperature outside made Daddy's skin feel warm it felt so warm it was comforting. He turned around and laughed. He had just heard me. Gosh I need to keep my thoughts to a minimum. It must be hard for him to listen to every single persons thoughts and their voices when they speak out loud. I wonder how bad it is at a restaurant. He turned around and grinned again."You can tune the voices out sometimes if they are not to loquacious." I laughed really hard on that one.

We were almost to the mansion when Mom started to speed up and shouted, "Catch me if you can!"
Dad shot back a grin and said, "I'l try not to embarrass you love."
So then it was on. Mom and Dad were neck and neck for a while but on the last stretch of land, Dad push it even harder and Mom could not keep up, Dad won.

"Veterans luck." My mom said under her breath.

"No, just years of practice, you''ll get it love" he answered.

As the bickering was happening we appeared at the front step of the house. I jumped off his back and opened the door myself. This was my house too. Grandpa was watching football with Uncle Em and they were so into it they had not even noticed us walking threw the door. Aunt Rosie was reading some magazine that had a picture of Taylor Swift on the front cover. Then of course Auntie Alice was running downstairs to greet us,"Hey Bella, hey Edward, why hello Renesmee how are you? I heard that you had a surprise toda. That I had no idea about." That last part she glared at Daddy, and he grinned. Jacob I guess was stalking us from behind because he flew threw the door. "Ok, ya ready?" He asked. "Wait you told the dog and not me?" Alice was fuming.

"Well Alice the only reason he knew before you is that he thought of the idea." Answered Daddy with a puzzeled look.
"Wow I never knew he had the brains to think this one up. Good job Scooby -Doo." Aunite Alice never seemed to like Jacob and I never knew why.

"They just like to have creative discussions thats all." Daddy whispered to me.

I nodded my head and then said to everyone epescially Auntie Alice and Jake, "Sorry to interrupt but I am really hungry."
In an instant Grandpa was standing next to me. He took my hand and led me to the kitchen. He sat me down on one of the stools that was seated by the bar and asked me, " What can I get you nessie?"

"Well I would enjoy some A positive please." I said with my hand on my tummy I was always hungry at this house.

"You are just in luck my darling. I just picked some up at the hospital yesterday." As Grandpa was talking, he got out a steel cup and a blood packet from the cupboard . He then opened the packet and slowly poured the blood into the cup without any hesitation. I stared at the red liquid as it slid out of the bag it was in. It looked like silk as it smoothly poured.

I had the urge to ask Grandpa something for a very long time. I decided right now was the perfect time to do so,"Grandpa, if you never leave this house except for work and hunting how do you relax?"

He chuckled at my random question and then replied with, "Well Ness, I know it sounds odd but hunting is my relaxation. The ability to run as fast as my legs will take me is the only way I can let go of everything I am stressed about . Just being able to do whatever on my own time is wonderful. Letting go of the thirst that us as good vampires have to cope with is like releasing pressure from a balloon that is about to burst." He said this so calm that it was surprising that he actually was saying those words. If you were not listening to what he was saying you might have thought he was just telling you what football team was playing tonight on T.V.

That was all we said as I slurped down the blood slowly. After I was Finished I got up and me, Mom, Jacob, and Daddy left to go see my surprise


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This article has 107 comments.

on Sep. 30 2010 at 7:09 pm
i think ur story was good, but if u add more detail, itll b great!

dkA.M SILVER said...
on Sep. 12 2010 at 2:01 pm
dkA.M SILVER, Vail, Arizona
8 articles 0 photos 87 comments
very well put :)

lovehate123 said...
on Sep. 12 2010 at 1:58 pm
i loved it butt, well you need to work on writing original ideas and not copying someone else,,,,, get your own story!!

Runner242 GOLD said...
on Aug. 15 2010 at 1:27 pm
Runner242 GOLD, Rochester, New York
16 articles 0 photos 12 comments

Favorite Quote:
"It does not do to dwell on dreams and forget to live." - Dumbledore

truly loved this, keep writing!

& can someone check out my work? i could really use some comments and critisism.

dkA.M SILVER said...
on Aug. 9 2010 at 12:44 pm
dkA.M SILVER, Vail, Arizona
8 articles 0 photos 87 comments
Well im not as well trained as Stephenie is. I mean I don't think that when you even began reading this story that you thought it would even come close to stephenie's work, because if I was as talented as her I would not be writing on this website, but I would we publishing my own work actually writing books. 

dkA.M SILVER said...
on Aug. 9 2010 at 12:40 pm
dkA.M SILVER, Vail, Arizona
8 articles 0 photos 87 comments
Well if you read in the books, Carslile works at the hospital as a doctor, and he gets blood bags from the hospital to get blood bags for ness.I was just following what stephanie wrote.

on Aug. 5 2010 at 9:45 am
earlybird_8 BRONZE, Roberts Creek, Other
4 articles 0 photos 115 comments

Favorite Quote:
The early bird gets the worm, but the second mouse gets the cheese.

The story was good, I loved the imagery, but it seemed like nothing really happened, as mentioned before. It makes me want to read the next chapter, but really hope that something interesting happens, now that you've established everything. There was one problem in the beginning of the piece when Renesmee mentions drinking A positive- I'm pretty sure the Cullens don't drink human blood, and wouldn't want Ness to either. Aside from that, it seemed sort of like an uncut gem, pretty, but with a bit of polishing it could be spectacular.

Mbmaddog said...
on Jul. 28 2010 at 3:48 pm
Mbmaddog, Bryantown, Maryland
0 articles 0 photos 2 comments
i loved it but you need to work on spelling

on Jul. 24 2010 at 12:49 pm
DiamondsIntheGrass GOLD, Martinsville, New Jersey
14 articles 1 photo 278 comments

Favorite Quote:
Worry is simply a misuse of the imagination.

interesting but... just doesnt measure up to the origional.  like soemone said before, theres just not enough romance, mystery and suspense.

on Jul. 22 2010 at 8:05 pm
CloudWanderer BRONZE, Wheelersburg, Ohio
2 articles 0 photos 55 comments

Favorite Quote:
"We don't stop playing because we get old, we get old because we stop playing."

"Never lie, steal, cheat, or drink. But if you must lie, lie in the arms of your true love. If you must steal, steal from bad company. If you must cheat, cheat death. If you must drink, drink in the moments that take your breath away."

Very good idea, or plot, or whatever you wanna call it lol. But it was a little choppy in places. A few minor adjustments and it'll be excellent! :)

K*L*D said...
on Jul. 14 2010 at 4:09 pm
I loved it, but there wasn't much of a climax to that chapter. Waiting for more! :)

on Jul. 6 2010 at 10:31 pm
OfficialApprover PLATINUM, Orefield, Pennsylvania
48 articles 0 photos 1752 comments

Favorite Quote:
Grab life by the balls. -Slobberknocker
We cannot change the cards we're dealt just how we play the hand
Experience is what you get when you didn't get what you wanted
It's pretty easy to be smart when you're parroting smart people
-Randy Pausch

I really liked this piece.  It was well-written and interesting, and you added your own spin on the Twilight series.  Great job.  Keep writing!

Btw, will you check out and comment on my work?

on Jun. 28 2010 at 12:50 am
BeckoningLovely GOLD, Wilmington, Delaware
15 articles 1 photo 106 comments

Favorite Quote:
"I think our favorite quotes say more about us than the people we are quoting," John Green


on Jun. 28 2010 at 12:50 am
BeckoningLovely GOLD, Wilmington, Delaware
15 articles 1 photo 106 comments

Favorite Quote:
"I think our favorite quotes say more about us than the people we are quoting," John Green

It's a good start, but it does need work. The descriptions are awesome, but there are a few confusing bits that Robsessed pointed out. Also, you are lacking some commas and grammer skills. Very interesting piece though, you have a good foundation.

on Jun. 27 2010 at 4:16 pm
Robsessed PLATINUM, McKinney, Texas
23 articles 1 photo 199 comments

Favorite Quote:
"I may be changed by what happens to me, but I refuse to be reduced by it." - Maya Angelou

"Did you know 'I told you so' has a brother, Jacob?" she asked cutting me off. "His name is 'Shut the hell up.'" - Bella Swan, Breaking Dawn

cool idea, but it could use some work. Consistency for one thing. in chapter one you said she was a year old and in chapter two she's in a crib, but wears designer clothes. also, Alice doesn't really dislike Jacob, she just doesn't like how the wolves mess with her visions. And Renesme only drink the donated blood until Bella, Edward, & Jacob went hunting with her in Breaking Dawn. In future chapters please indicate how old she is or if she's thinking back to the past or is thinking in the present.

dkA.M SILVER said...
on Jun. 16 2010 at 1:45 pm
dkA.M SILVER, Vail, Arizona
8 articles 0 photos 87 comments
Thank you so much..... just to let you know, I am stopping my writing for this and writing a book of my own ;) I already have 140 pages done, so look for it on the shelves of barnes and noble my friend! I am calling it Kadence. 

dkA.M SILVER said...
on Jun. 16 2010 at 1:43 pm
dkA.M SILVER, Vail, Arizona
8 articles 0 photos 87 comments
Hahahah ;) 

dkA.M SILVER said...
on Jun. 16 2010 at 1:42 pm
dkA.M SILVER, Vail, Arizona
8 articles 0 photos 87 comments
aha no I did not rate any of them :)

deka9 said...
on Jun. 15 2010 at 5:24 am
*comments below--whichever older, hahaha.

deka9 said...
on Jun. 15 2010 at 5:21 am
Hey dkA.M! I love the idea that you're continuing the Twilight series. The storyline is quite creative; however, your details of the characters are quite all over the place. I agree with the comments above about how you switched Renesmee character with a two-year-old and a teenager; she is supposed to be mature/advanced and all, but you have to be consistent. Skinny jeans for a toddler who sleeps in a crib? Anyways, I thought Alice liked Jacob and Rosalie was the one who despised him. Good luck with your writing! Remember to be consistent with Stephenie and your own creations :)