A twilight remix | Teen Ink

A twilight remix

January 20, 2011
By Internal-Love PLATINUM, Queens, New York
Internal-Love PLATINUM, Queens, New York
33 articles 3 photos 310 comments

Favorite Quote:
Nothing's black or white, its all just a shade of gray---

TI "Live your Life" ft Rihanna

*ahem* aaaaaaand ACTION!!
Bella: Hey people. What's up? The name's Bell and i just moved to Forks. Things are boring but there's this really hot mysterious guy who stares at me so creepily.

Me: blah, blah, blah


Me: Oh yeah?! Well I'M IN IT RIGHT NOW so HA!!

Bella: Ugh, whatever. Either way i have the strangest notion that we'll have a powerful love story that will involve vampires, a big battle with newborns, a volturi, and a werewolf-vampire dispute. Maybe i had too much coffee this morning................

Edward *comes out from behind the set*: Hey baby. The name's Eddie

Bella *gets all shy and giggles*: Hi Eddie

Me: *yawn* I'm hungry for some meatloaf. Yeaaaaaaah

*lovebirds staring so creepily into each other's eyes they ignore me*

Eddie: Oh yeah and btw I'm a vampire

Bella: NO WAY!! *whispers to the audience* HOT!!

Me: *rolls eyes*

Eddie: *looks at me puzzled* Um, what's she doing in the production?

Me: Oh just go back to drooling all over each other i created this story!! Stephanie Meyers created your characters but i created your parody on teenink!!

Bella: Anyway.........I LOVE YOU EDWARD

Edward: I LOVE YOU!! I'D DIE FOR YOU *cough* literally *cough*

Me: sighs in disappointment

*Victoria and James come out from behind the set*

James: hey, i smell some fresh meat *kisses Bella's hand* why, hellooo

Victoria: Oh sweetheart don't be greedy. Pass the salt shaker........then pass the human named Bella who will eventually turn into a vampire and fall madly in love with a Cullen. I'm hungry

Me *whispers to them* your supposed to be scary vampires

James *whispers* oh yeah *in normal voice* your blood smells so tasty tonight.

Vicky: Dior perfume smelling blood anyone?

James: coming right up

Eddie: GET AWAY FROM MY GIRL *punches James with a grunt*

*James falls dead*

*Victoria, terrified, runs off to the woods*

Me: Ouch! That's gotta hurt

New moon screening *ahem* time for things to go from sweet to spicy. Will there be a werewolf named Jacob who takes his shirt off? Why am i asking that? The New moon commercial gives it away.

Bella: hey!! it's my birthday!! I'm officially a year older then you!!

Eddie: Congratulations. Here's a kiss, a party at my place ruined by my ravenous vamp family, and as candles on top of the cake, i got news

Bella: What is it, my love?

Me: He's going away for a while. He's sorry. He leaves now in the middle of the woods, and then you sleep on the woody ground, so depressed. oops. Did i just give it away? :)

Bella: Why yes, yes you did. Now SHUT UP

Eddie: Yeah, what she said.

Bella: NOOOOOOOOOOO!! This is the end!!

Me: No, the end is 2012

Bella *glares at me*

Me: touchy, touchy

November, December.........ok, lets skip the credits. Fast forward to the good parts

Bella: i have no choice now, but to turn to my rebound. Oh Jaaaaaaacoooooooob

Me: BLACK!!!

*Jacob comes out, looking hot and fine*

Me: *gapes* He's your REBOUND?! THIS GUY IS HOT!! HE SHOULD BE CHOICE #1!! *i drool in his presence*

Jacob *turns to me* What'd you just say?

Me: NOTHING. i mean, i was talking about the weather and the scenery. It's really HOT today and the scenery is GORGEOUS. Gorgeous like a WEREWOLF with his SHIRT OFF. Yeah, that kind of gorgeous.......

Jacob: Yeah, whatever. Hey babe. i mean, Bella, not babe. Sorry, i get mixed up. It's easy too, when a girl hot like you comes around. *Gives Bella a flirty smile*

Me *fanning myself with my hands cause this guy is making me melt*

Bella: What are you talking about? I'm not Hot, I'm always cold. Here, feel my hand *places hand on Jake's arm*

Bell *pulls back*: Youch! My hand's burning!! Your hotter then a stove!!

me *all dreamy*: Yes he is..........i should stop talking now

Bella: Oh, NOW you notice?!

Jake: Come on Bella, my babe, while your precious Eddie's gone, let me take you for a ride, on the wild side

Bella: Does that involve teaching me how to ride a motorcycle, which will turn disastrous and in which I'll still do it anyway out of insanity to feel an adrenaline rush so i can hear a vampire named Eddie in my head? Lessons that'll get us in trouble, and I'll be so depressed I'm drown myself to hear Ed, only to have you rescue me?

Me: Oh, and you say I spoil the story. But yeah, that does happen later on...................

Bella: I'M IN!!!!


Me: Hey Jake, Jacob..........if Bella doesn't work out........there's a gal right here who likes fur over fangs unlike Miss Swan right here........Just saying

Bella: So you in love with me or not?

Jake: Well, yeah.

*James friend i forgot the name of pops out*: Hello mouth watering delectable dessert. i got a fork right here, and on the plate tonight is the specialty devastated human girl from Forks dish. You killed me friend, his girlfriend wants revenge.......and as for me........eh, i don't care about that. I'm just hungry for a hotdog, but I'm not talking about beef. Mua ha ha ha. Prepare for me to finish you off.

Jacob: are all vampires this weird?

Me *elbows guy*: Vampires drink BLOOD NOT FLESH. AND THEY DON'T DO IT WITH A FORK Even if this is the town of Forks.

Guy *whispers* Oh right. *takes out straw* I'll sip your blood, until you are DRAINED!! HAHA

Bella: Nah, I'm not feeling it

Jacob: Yeah Bella. Dracula's gonna 'sip your blood' *laughs*

Me: Ooh, burn!!

Guy: Hey, NOBODY makes fun of a vampire!! Prepare for death!! *attacks Jake*

Jake *rips his shirt off to show his sexy abs for a minute in time when i stare at his shirtless body wide eyed and drooling so much slobber comes out of my mouth. Then he turns into a werewolf and kills guy with one kick*

Jake: Oh yeah and did i mention I'm a werewolf?

Bella: nope


Bella *shrugs*: i was busy missing Eddie

Jacob: oh yeah i heard he thought you were dead and went to Italy to kill himself. Just a rumor.

Bella: WHAT?!!!!!!!! *runs off to Italy*

me *smiles coyly*: So....... it's just you and me.............


Me: Hey, it was worth a shot *i catch up with Bella in Italy*

*Edward's got his shirt off*

Me *covering my eyes*: Oh God!! I Can't see this!! Oh boy!! Yuck!!

Bella *throws herself into Eddie's arms*: I'M ALIVE!!

Eddie: Ok, I'm neva leaving you again. EVER. Now let's escape the dangerous Volturi and catch a ride outta here. WOO HOO!!

Bella *all girly* It's a happy ending after all

*They have a HUGE all over each other kiss*

Me: *groan* and i didn't even get the werewolf


The author's comments:
this is a remix of the novels Twilight and New Moon (the only twilight novels i read) :)

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This article has 8 comments.

on Sep. 27 2011 at 9:33 am
Willflower.-.-. BRONZE, Yuma, Arizona
2 articles 0 photos 72 comments

Favorite Quote:
This is us. This is who we are. We demand attention.

Read Ecilpse and Breaking Dawn and add that to a different parody

on Jul. 25 2011 at 1:41 pm
DragonsDragonsAndMoreDragons, Cincinnati, Ohio
0 articles 0 photos 1 comment

Favorite Quote:
this is my own. if you hide behind a mask all your life what point is there to be your self when you were someone else all of your life.

Haha wow that terrible, terribly FUNNY!

HaleyStar GOLD said...
on Jul. 17 2011 at 6:48 pm
HaleyStar GOLD, Mattoon, Illinois
12 articles 2 photos 35 comments

Favorite Quote:
"The dog? You are named after a dog?"
"I had a lot of fond memories of that Dog."~Indiana Jones~

"Can you knot?"
"I cannot."
"You can knot?"
"I cannot knot." ~Winnie the Pooh movie~

That is the best Twilight Parody I've ever read. Just saying. :>


on Jun. 23 2011 at 8:32 pm
CarrieAnn13 GOLD, Goodsoil, Other
12 articles 10 photos 1646 comments

Favorite Quote:
"I love deadlines. I like the whooshing sound they make as they fly by." --Douglas Adams

"The object of life is not to be on the side of the majority, but to escape finding oneself in the ranks of the insane." --Marcus Aurelius

This is funny!  I had to stifle my laughter several times to avoid weird looks from my family!  :)  My only criticism is that not capitalizing the word 'I' is just lazy.  Can you please correct that in the future?

on Jun. 9 2011 at 1:52 pm
JoPepper PLATINUM, Annandale, Virginia
35 articles 0 photos 782 comments

Favorite Quote:
"Freedom is the ability to not care what the other person thinks."

"Not all those who wander are lost" --JRR Tolkien

"When you are listening to music it is better to cover your eyes than your ears." --Jose' Bergamin

That was hilarious you can get the werewolf.  Because Bella is going to accidentally fall into a volcano and I'll get a vampire!!!! You did an excellant job at writing that I would give you 8 stars if I could!!!!!!

ErinRose GOLD said...
on Jan. 26 2011 at 4:30 pm
ErinRose GOLD, Colchester, Vermont
14 articles 1 photo 14 comments

Favorite Quote:
"Why my piggy?! WHY?! I loved you, piggy!! I loved you..." -Gir. Invader Zim. (:
"GOOD FRIENDS would always knock on your house door. BEST FRIENDS would just enter and yell IM HOME at the top of their lungs."-Unknown

Ahahahaha!!!! Love it (:

on Jan. 25 2011 at 9:43 am
MysteryHeart GOLD, Thorold, Other
14 articles 0 photos 60 comments

Favorite Quote:
Usted es especial! AKWARD!!! (in an opera like voice), ohhh fasha', what the huh?,who in the name of what?, sanity now!


on Jan. 25 2011 at 9:14 am
NonsensicalMuse PLATINUM, San Anotnio, Texas
22 articles 0 photos 87 comments

Favorite Quote:
"There is nothing wrong with having your head in the clouds as long as you don't get altitude sickness"

"Perhaps you are right,perhaps not. I don't know 110% either way.All I know is that Im in search of truth. If you are too, let us be friends."


That was Awesome!