Chapter One

“You’re an idiot” said Kayli. “I’d like to not think of myself as an idiot, thanks for helping me” I said sarcastically.


Kayli has been through a lot with me. Her strawberry blonde hair covered her face as she looked down on her phone. She looked up at me. Her sparkling blue eyes twinkled in the spotted rays of sunlight that was throughout my room. “I was just kidding. Dont feel stupid just because you’re not doing as well in school as you want to. I’m doing a lot worse.”


“Yeah but you don’t care, Kayli. You’re just like ‘oh hey I failed this, I don’t really care. Ill do better next time.’ Thats not how I am. I freak out whenever I fail something. If I fail something then my grade for that class goes down, then my average goes down, and then I won’t get accepted to colleges. Then ill be homeless and ill starve and then ill die.” I said, biting my tongue to keep from tearing up. Kayli looked up at me. Her eyes got really sad and her lips frowned. “Chill out, Pearl. You’re in 11th grade.”

“Exactly!” I interrupted her. I was starting to feel angry because she doesn’t care about the future as much as I do. Kayli’s facial expression completely changed. Like all the care just dropped. She rolled her eyes.

“Youre thinking too much about the future.”

I started to frown. “That’s what you’re supposed to do when you’re in 11th grade!” I exclaimed. “Yeah but you’re taking this to a whole nother level. You’ve always been stressing about school and its making you go crazy. Its unhealthy for you to think too much of things. You’ve even told me that some nights you can’t sleep because you’re thinking about that test or that homework.” Her face changed again. I could see her eyes fill up with worries. I looked down almost about to cry. She was right. I do over think about school.


I leaned over to the laptop and I tried to get over this conversation. I put a song on. “Kill” by Earl Sweatshirt. “I never listened to this song” said Kayli. I could tell that she also wanted to forget this conversation by the way her voice changed.

“You’ll like it”

“Its got a nice beat.”

“Yeah”

There was a silence for a moment, well except for the song playing. I sat on my bed and drew on my notebook while Kayli braided her hair on the other end of my bed. Drawing is probably the only thing that i’m kinda good at.

“Are you meeting up with Connor tomorrow?” I asked.

All of the sudden a smile appeared on Kayli’s face. Kayli and Connor were the best couple ever. Although they have had their ups and downs, they are still strong.

“Yes I am seeing Connor tomorrow. I can’t wait!”

“Alright I guess ill hang with Kahlil”

Kahlil is another one of best friends.
I took out my phone and click on my contacts. I scrolled down and looked for Kahlil’s name.
I found it and as soon as I was about to click on it I get a text. I look and its from Kahlil.

Hey Pearl. Im free tomorrow. Wanna hang?

I remembered that I had tickets to see Basement, my favorite band. Sure. Do you want to go to the concert tomorrow? The one that I was telling you about. We’re going to see basement. Its going to be their last show in New York City. I clicked send.
My eyes rolled to the time. Its 7:04

“Hey Kay its 7:04”

“Oh snap I gotta get home” Kayli said as she gathered all her things. “Need help?” I said.

“Nah its fine. Its kind of chilly outside. Dont want you to get cold.” I smiled. Kayli was always so caring.

“Okay.” I said. “See you tomorrow”

“Bye”

And she was out of my room. And now it was just me.

All alone.

I layed on my bed with my laptop on my stomach. I heard a buzz. It was my phone. I picked it up and checked it. Message from Kahlil. It said

Alright cant wait!

I turned off my phone and I next to my bed and I plugged the charger. I dont even use my phone that much.
Someone opened my door. I looked but there was no one there
Oh wait. I see a tail.

Its my cat, Gizmo. It was rare when he’d enter my room. I dont know why but he seems to not like my room. Whenever he enters he sniffs everything and then leaves. Sometimes I wish he’d sleep on my bed. He sniffed my bookbag and then left. I stood up and closed the door. I looked at my whole room and thought about redecorating it to make it look prettier. Its just too plain and i dont have enough motivation to do this.
I lay down on my bed, turned off my laptop and looked up at the ceiling.
Eyes shut.

Chapter Two

Eyes opened.

Alarm clock

I stood up and walked to my alarm clock to turn it off. I hated that thing.

I walked to my record player and picked up a vinyl. I decided to choose Joyce Manor. These vinyls and this record player used to belong to my sister. But she moved out and she bought a new one and gave this one to me. Joyce Manor puts me in a good mood. I needed to be in a good mood. I have not been feeling okay lately, and I can’t be sad when I go to school. I need to be positive and full of motivation if I want to do good in school.
I straightened my hair, did some dental hygiene, and I was out the door. I turned my phone on and I had a text from Kahlil.

We meeting up after school today right?

I thought we agreed on this already. I texted back anyways.

Yes.

I put my phone in my pocket. I always walk to Kaylis house every morning. I dont like walking alone because I talk to myself. When I talk to myself I get really sad. When I get sad my face scrunches up and then I look mean. I walked up the 4 stairs to her front porch. I knocked on the door.

"Hey Pearl!”

“Hi Kayli”

“Hold on let me get my bookbag”

She ran back into her house. It was really quiet. I look around and saw the leafless trees. I liked winter.The cold is the time to wear sweaters and jackets and hats and scarfs and I love wearing them. The fall and spring are okay too. I mostly liked the fall because its not too cold and its also not too hot. I looked down at my feet. They were cold.

Kayli came out of no where, interrupted my thoughts.

“Okay lets go!” She slammed the door shut and locked it.

We began to walk to school. I lived close to Kayli and the school was close to us.
There was such a cold breeze. I could already feel my nose and cheeks turn pink. I took out my ipod and untangled the wires. I unzipped my jacket and put the wire in my jacket. I put the headphones in my ear and then zipped up my jacket. I took one out of my ear just incase Kayli started talking. Took out my ipod again and put on Dr Feelgood by Motley Crue. My fingers were starting to get cold so I put my ipod back in my pocket.

We silently walked together. We always did this in the morning because we both aren’t morning people. I mean I like waking up early in the morning but I don’t like getting up.

Sometimes we’d talk, and today was one of those days.

“So Kayli.. today im going to a concert with Kahlil.”

Kayli stopped and turn her head to me.
“W-with who?”
“Kahlil…” I said slowly. What was she up to?

“I knew you guys liked each other!” Kayli said with a big smile on her face, all of her teeth were showing.

“Wait what? We dont like eachother. We’re just friends” Was she really this stupid?

“Yes you guys do. I see the way you look at eachother. He calls you cute names too. Its totally a date.”

Is it a date? No, its just a concert. Its just two people having fun, nothing else.

“No, man. Its not a date. We do not like each other. Just stop.”

“In denial, I see, I see. She had a smirk on her face. I hated that.

We didnt talk the rest of the way to school.
Soon enough we arrived at school. Oh how I hated school. Im fine with going to a place to learn, but I just don’t like the people here. Everyone is annoying and loud. In school i’m either mad or annoyed. There’s no inbetween. I do a good job at hiding it though. When someone talks to me i just smile and nod like i’d actually want them to be talking to me. I only have two great friends and thats all I need, and I also have a cat.

Kayli and I stood in front of the stairs. She looked at me.

“Well i’m gonna go to class now. Ill text you.”

“Ill text back.” I waved.

I yanked the earbud out of my ear. I stopped the music and wrapped the wire around my ipod and I put my ipod in my pocket. I started to go upstairs. As soon as my foot was almost to the first step I heard someone call my name.

“Pearl, Pearl!”

I turned around and saw Kahlil running towards me. He looked comfortable with his red hoodie and black jeans. His shoes were a blood red color that matched his hoodie. Soon enough, he was getting bigger and bigger as he came closer to me. Then he was in front of me. I looked up at him and he looked down at me. The blood red clothing complimented his dark skin. His cheeks were shiny. He clenched his teeth that revealed a strong jaw line. As the sun shined on his face, the little scabs of hair appeared on his chin. I looked into his eyes, they were such a deep brown. The kind of brown that complimented itself. I could stare into his eyes forever, but for now, I needed to break the silence

“Hi” I said slowly.

He was out of breath.

“Hey! Lets go to class.”

“That’s what I was doing” I said, trying to score a laugh or maybe just a giggle.

We started going upstairs to the 3rd floor. First class was art. I loved art. Kahlil was bad at art so sometimes i’d have to help him. I didn’t mind that.

We entered the class. There was only a few people there. A lot of the people were usually late.
Kahlil and I sat in the back.

Okay class today we are just going to make sketches of anything you want. Think of something creative and just draw it out. Don’t erase!”

Kahlil nudged me. I turned around and faced him. I saw the smile on his face. Oh that smile.
It always made me smile. I nudged him back.

“So today?”

“Whats today?” I asked, confused.

“The concert!”

“Oh yeah!” I totally forgot! And not too long ago I was talking to Kayli about it!

“Yeah, yeah we’re going. It starts at 6.”

“Alright so afterschool i’ll go to your house.”

After that conversation I canceled out all the sounds in the classroom and worked on my drawing. I do this in all my classes and soon enough it was time to go home. I walked outside of school and waited for Kahlil. I took out my phone from my pocket and texted Kayli.

Hope you have a good day with Connor :). Im hanging out with Kahlil so ill text you later.

She texted back right away.

Alright

I saw Kahlil with his phone walking towards me.
“Hey hey” he said.

“Yo” I smiled. “Are we getting the tickets okay?”
“Alright.”

We went to my house and right away we went on my laptop.

He lied down on my bed. He was so tall that his ankles didn’t fit on my bed. He was fluffing his hair up with his special comb. He was staring at me and I was staring back at him. His brown eyes were sparkling. I started to smile and I could see his dimple appear and a sight of his white teeth escape from his dark lips. He started giggling. He was so cute. But he was my friend, only my friend.
“So…” I said, breaking the “moment”.

Say something Pearl

I pulled out my ipod and checked the time.

“Uh its 4:23.”

I looked down. Im so stupid. I shouldn’t be feeling this way. I shouldn’t be feeling this warm fuzzy feeling. He’s my friend. My best friend. Why was I so nervous?

“You’re right.” He sits up. He grabs my laptop and puts it on his lap.

I scoot closer to him so I could see the screen.
I start to smile. Why am I smiling? His head turns to me and I can feel his eyes on me. I turn to him and I see him smile.

“You’re a cutie Pearly.”

I felt my cheeks burn. Now its my whole face burning.

“I try.” I said sarcastically.
He turns his head to the laptop. I tried to make him laugh but he just kept smiling.

Did I make things awkward? No! He did! He said that i’m cute? Why would he!

I grabbed the remote and turned on the tv. I sat against the wall next to Kahlil. He moved closer as he put the laptop away. I felt his knee touch my knee. I could see him in the corner of my eye. I wish I could just stare at him without him wondering why I would be staring at him. I want to touch his hand. I looked at him. He was staring at the tv. I looked back at the tv and I let time pass by.

He called me a cutie, two times! But you’re not cute. He’s just lying to you. Ugh. Why was I so emotional towards him? I usually just don’t care about anyone. Why do I care so much for him? Why was he messing me up?

Chapter 3

I layed my head on his shoulder and took out my ipod from my pocket. I played I Miss You by Blink-182. I had a playlist just for sad songs. There were only two songs though. It was that song and Adam’s song by Blink-182. Then I had a playlist for when I felt happy, and another one for when I felt excited.

I felt Kahlil’s finger touch me. His voice.

“You exited?”

“Yes” I said trying to smile.

“Shouldnt we get going?”

“Oh yeah, lets go.”

We went outside and we walked to the train. We went up the stairs and entered the train station. The train station always had a weird smell. I couldnt exactly pin point the smell. It was a one of a kind smell thats mixed with other bad smells.
We were waiting for our train.

“There are seats over there” Kahlil said, pointing towards the seats.

He started to walk there and I followed him. He sat down and I sat next to him. I just stared at the wall, without blinking. The wall was really dirty. It was once a shiny white. I wondered why no one ever cleaned the walls or why people would make the wall dirty.

“Why arent you talking?” Kahlil said, interrupting my thoughts.

“Huh” I said with a confused look on my face. Was I really not talking?

"Ever since this morning you haven' been talking to me like you usually do. I think you're ignoring me.. What's wrong?"

Should I tell him? No. I don't want to make this awkward between us. We're going to a concert. It's going to be okay.

My eyes widened and I smiled, but my lips were tight.

"What are you talking about? Everythings fine for me.”

Kahlil sighed. I can tell that he knows i’m lying.

The train was coming and we entered in the train. The train ride was really awkward.We didnt even talk.

We arrived outside of the venue. There was a line. It was kind of cold. I could feel my cheeks starting to get pink.

Kahlil nudged my side.

“Look, im really sorry if I did something wrong. Would you please tell me what I did?”

My face was starting to burn as I bit my lip.

Should I tell him? If only Kayli was here. She’d get me out of this situation.

I clenched my fists and sighed. My mouth opened but no words came out. I got an idea. I took my ipod out and started texting.

You’re just messing me up. I dont know what you think of me. You call me sweet names that make me smile when I think about it at night. You try your hardest to make me happy whenever i’m feeling low. Ever since I met you I knew we were going to be best friends. I never thought that I would be contemplating if you liked me or if you’re just being friendly. Or maybe i’m just thinking about this too much. Maybe you don't realize what you’re doing to me.

It took me a second. We were outside a venue about to see my favorite band, everyone here is excited, except for me. I feel like hugging him and just telling him whats wrong instead of hiding it and hoping that he won’t question it.

What am I doing..

I deleted everything. I quickly put my phone away and looked up at Kahlil. His eyes were on me the whole time. My face turned red.

“Just forget it. Everything’s fine.” I lied.

The line was moving. We were going in the venue. Kahlil reached out for my hand. I slowly grabbed his hand. The warmth of his hand quickly warmed up my hands. He looked back at me and smiled. My lips tightened, I tried to smile. We went in the venue. There were a lot of people, but not too crowded.

The smell. I passed by these three guys. The stench of cigarettes filled my nose.

Kahlil looked back at me. I examined his face for the longest time. He was basically pulling me. My legs and feet werent functioning. All I knew what to do in that moment was to stare at his eyes. He started to smile and thats when I started to blush.

Maybe he does like me.

We stopped. We’re at the front but on the side. The crowd started to cheer. I turned around and saw the band members testing their instruments.

“Glad to see you smiling, Pearls”

I looked at him and realized that I was still smiling.

“Hello! Uh.. this is… this is great. We’re basement from Ipswich, thank you very much for coming”

The crowd started cheering and the guitarist tested his guitar again. They started playing. I felt the beat of the drum in my heart. Everyone was nodding their heads to the beat. I looked at Kahlil and he was enjoying it so far.

“Check, check, check!” The singer screamed.

He starts to sing.

“Let it out… Tell me what you want me to be”.

His voice was so raw. It sounded a lot better.

“Push it out. Tell me that you still want me here.”

People from the crowd already started to stage dive.

“Deep inside this hole. I will offer you my soul. Waiting, hoping with each breath, that you will leave it in my chest.”

I knew this song. Kahlil and I started to sing along.

“Lie to me. Lie to me. Make me see!” I loved that part.

Everyone were still singing along, nodding their heads and pointing.

“Lie to me. Make me see.” And the song was over.

The crowd cheered as there was a little break.
As they were tuning their guitars, I was anxiously waiting for the next song.

“When im with you…”

He threw the mic to the crowd and they sang.

“I dont wanna be with you”

I loved this song. Kahlil looked at me and smiled again. It was his favorite song too.

The singer pulled the mic back. It flew up and landed in his hands

“White hair, and a hopeful smile.”

Kahlil and I sang along “Your inside is on your outside!”

I was so happy at this moment. Everything was a blur and soon enough the last song was starting.

“This is our last song.”

It started.

“This is your last chance.”

He started to sing.

“If it all worked out we would live in a different house.”

I nudged Kahlil.

“Hey im gonna go up there!”

He smiled.

“Alright have fun!”

I made my way through the crowd. As I reached the stage, someone pulled me up.

“Ill come visit you when I get the chance”

I was on the stage. The part was coming up. I quickly ran to get a little momentum and I jumped to the crowd as far and high as I could.

People were carrying me but it was a little bit shaky. I still sang.

“Breathing’s not easy! When you’re underwater! I am drowning!”

I looked ahead and saw that there was a gap. I was going to fall. I saw Kahlil running to the spot. People carried me there and I fell. I closed my eyes and I felt someone grab me. I opened my eyes and saw Kahlil. My eyes widened as i stared into his shiny eyes.

“I like you a lot” He said.

“I like you too. I said.

My cheeks were hurting from smiling so hard.

This was the happiest moment. There was nothing to worry about. I was with the person that I admired, my favorite band, and other people that shared the love for my favorite band. Everything was perfect. Especially Kahlil. He was perfect.

I touched his cheek and traced my fingers to his chin. He held me tighter. His face was getting closer and closer. I closed my eyes and I felt his soft lips on mine. Then he let me go, but never let go of my hand.


“Ill be fine. Ill run and hide. I wish I could stay here!”