It’s 3 a.m. in the morning. I wake up and do my normal morning routine and I head outside to watch the sun rise. Once I’m outside for a couple of minutes, I hear footsteps. As I turn around, I see a tall male body walking towards the tire swing I’m sitting on. That runner of a tall male body belongs to my ex boyfriend, Rogerson Adams. The ex that broke my heart.

“River.”

As soon as my name escapes his lips, I get up so fast that the tire swing starts to violently swing. Once I’m up, I run like h*** towards Shore, my portion of aunts’ property. I guess I’m not fast enough because it takes him a couple of seconds to catch up to me. It’s that or the fact that he used to run track.

“River, please talk to me.”

“Leave me alone Rogerson.”

Suddenly, I feel his hand grab my arm. I turn around and look at him. I see tears running down his cheek and tearstains on his grey hoodie.

“River, please talk to me. We need to talk and you know it. Please?”

I take the whole scene in. Me and Rogerson, standing in complete darkness around 3 a.m. in the morning. I bet if my aunt was watching us and didn’t know what Rogerson had done to me, she’d think that this whole situation is sweet. I’m not going to let it be. I refuse to.

“No Rogerson. Just let me go. I don’t want to talk to you. I don’t want to talk about the old ‘us’. But remember the way you treated me when we were together.
We never should’ve been together. Forget about the old us. Please. Just forget every memory you’ve shared with me. Face it, we just don’t belong together.”
“River, how can you say that? I can’t forget about you. I honestly can’t. When I got that text about you telling me to forget me, I couldn’t do it. I can never forget about you. You mean too much to me. We need to talk so I can explain myself. Please River. Please?”
“No Rogerson, you don’t. You don’t need to explain anything to me. I don’t mean anything to you obviously because you let me go on graduation night. I don’t want to talk to you right now.”

Finally Rogerson lets me go. I know I sounded like a (insert name for female dog) but I can’t help it. He hurt me. He needed to be hurt back. Even if he apologizes, I don’t think I could forgive him. He backs up once he realizes how close we are and shoves his hands into the pockets of his hoodie. I take on final look at him and walk towards my house.

“River I love you. Always have and I always will.”

I stop once I hear that. I stop and feel that burning sensation when you’re trying not to cry, but you do anyways. I think about turning around but I don’t. I don’t want him to see my cry. So instead, I look at the sky.
“You may love me Rogerson, but I don’t love you.”
Why am I lying to myself? I know I love him, but I don’t want to. I’m too scared to. I can’t let him hurt me again. How could I love someone who did treated me like that?