It seems like every time I begin to forget you, you appear again and all those feelings come rushing back. My memories of that time are still so clear and vibrant. I remember how you use to smile at me so brightly, your warm voice speaking to me so deeply, your eyes so warm and kind. You always lit up a room when you walked into it. Your jokes always made me laugh, but even when they weren't that funny I laughed anyway. Your confidence was overwhelming sometimes and I loved it. I miss you like I miss the sunlight on a rainy day but unlike the sun i fear you won't appear again to make these clouds in my heart disappear. I wonder every minute of the day what happened to us. We were so good together, conversations for hours, lunch with our friends, morning meetings to begin our days. We spent every moment that we could together and then it suddenly stopped, no warnings. I ask myself everyday what could have made you just a shadow in my rearview mirror. Maybe it was the fact that my friend was a guy and I talked to him even though you disapproved, maybe I didn't give you enough attention, or didn't love you enough, maybe i made you feel like you were missing something, or maybe I wasn't enough. I know it is unlikely that any of these be your reason(s) but I just don't understand how and almost perfect relationship could crash and burn so easily. My heart is aching but I can't stop it, I want to cry but no tears will come. I'm so powerless , so lost without you- the boat without its lighthouse does not know where to go. You were my compass for so long, but Ive lost you and with you my way out of this storm. Give me strength... strength to smile and laugh and... be happy. You're not even here anymore but that doesn't change the fact that I think about you all the time.