I think to how some people thought they had it bad, but I don't know if they understood what it was like to really hurt. To be torn inside and you feel so numb, to end up feeling no pain at all, but not being able to make the pain stop, the confusion of who to choose, not knowing if I love them both or just the one. I care for them both, but do I really love them both. Do I really see myself with them both? Both of them who have made me feel like I am myself, I am me and no one can take that. I'm not sure if they both love me or if it is just, well, that he just thinks I'm the one.
I know one of them is in true love with me, but I'm not so sure about the other. Yet if he is how can I tell? All he ever talks about is me being the one, the one who he will never grow old together with. We will stay forever young being with our true soul mates, but I'm starting to wonder, if he really loves me. How come his twin brother has feeling for me to? Whenever we touch and share his ability I can hear his thoughts. His thoughts that are all for me, he only thinks about my happiness, so when his brother made me happy, he was okay with that. I'm not sure now if his brother is the one for me know. I have feeling for his brother and a connection that I know that I can't put in the back of my thoughts. I know I really do care about Kyle, but I can't help falling in love with Kolten.
From the very first time he kissed me. The first time we were able to share our abilities. From that moment were there wasn't anything in the world but him and me. The moment that forever didn't seem long at all. I could live forever with Kolten and not care, even before I knew if I found my soul mate I could live forever, I would have not minded growing old with Kolten. When I start to think of how lucky I am when there are only 100 people like us with these abilities in the world. I can't believe I found two that could be my soul mates. I don't know if they both can be my soul mates because they're twins, or if Kyle just thinks I am his soul mate because I am really pretty. He seems to feel a connection between us, but I end up feeling terrible when I know I am almost cheating on him with his brother.
It's not like Kolten and I kiss when we are together, and we don't flirt. We know how we both feel. We haven't kissed since our first kiss, and we don't plan to kiss while I am going out with his brother. He tells me he loves me, and I can't help but say it back. I do love him and when he plays with my hair I can't help but literally let sparks fly off my skin. It's almost a good thing we can share abilities otherwise he would get shocked every time we touched. We barely have to talk. We can just have the tiniest touch and we can share thoughts. Everyday at lunch I just put my foot on his foot and we can have our own personal conversation, and we still stay with the other conversation.
I know soon I will have to make a decision. Very soon I will have to make a decision on how I really feel about Kyle. He is really nice and sweet, but I know that Sophie likes him, and she is always thinking about how they would flirt before I came along. I wish Kyle liked Sophie. I know I wouldn't have started to care about Kyle in this way if he was with Sophie. I know soon I am going to have to get the truth out about my feelings towards Kolten. I just hope I don't ruin there bond as brothers.
This love that hurts, the love that confuses you, the love you know is true, but it doesn't feel you can. The love you feel is forbidden, but you can't help but break the rules. I know I have sins many times in my life because of my relationship. I think I consider the bond that Kolten and I have, and the love we share, would make me someone guilty of cheating on there boyfriend. I never meant to, but the love seemed to come so naturally. Now that the love has built so strong I can't forget it, and when it seem I don't love Kyle, he does something that makes me rethink everything. It must he so hard for Kolten to hear my thoughts. I know I have to end my relationship with Kyle before any of us gets hurt. I don't want to do anything to hurt anyone and I don't want to feel this pain any longer.
Just hearing how hard it is for Kolten to stand my pain from this relationship in his thoughts, and hearing his thoughts that he might leave me to make it easier. He knows that would make it worse now because I have told him. I just want to be able to embrace Kolten and not worry about Kyle anymore. To brake up with Kyle is the best thing I could ever do. I know after he is out of my love I will not feel this pain any longer. Once I am able to kiss Kolten have him say, 'Maddie, I love you,' out loud will take away any pain, any pain that might give me doubt.
I never thought when I first moved here I would be faced with such a big decision like this, and know I know I have made the right decision. Kolten and I should be together, and maybe, just maybe, Kyle and Sophie will get together. Who knows maybe Sophie has abilities, you never know. It was so unlikely three people with abilities would find each other so why not do the impossible and maybe Sophie is like us too. That would be cool if we could all like forever, with the people we love to love.