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The Spy Who Never Lived
Soma, a poisonous drug, sat next to me as I lay on my bed. The numbers on the digital clock next to me turned to the darkest hour, midnight. I would soon leave this world once I entered REM sleep, a time where dreams are the most powerful, and brain activity and breathing are similar to that of real life. Darren said Soma would take me to Reinhaven, which was someplace better than this cursed land they called earth. The vial of the innocent black liquid was now in my hands, but it was deceiving; it was powerful, and it held the feelings for happiness and moving on. That’s what I hoped. That’s what I knew.
Throughout the 25 years of my life, I always pictured someplace good in this world. But throughout my journeys and travels, even after all these memories, all I did was end up back where I started, in a two-room apartment, living with my parents. It was never my fault, I thought; everyone else caused this. It was the world. Me against it.
My parents probably would not even care if I died right now. No, who am I kidding, they would care. Who cares? I do. The only question still nagging at me was whether or not this world was worth leaving. That was the question that prevented me from bringing this vial to my mouth and sucking all the black liquid out of it like a vacuum. Now, I racked through my head. None of my recent memories had been good, or even close to that. Scratch that, none of my memories were good.
Well this is my story. As a kid, I always felt as if I was different from everyone else, like I was meant for something else. After college, I trained myself for a year to climb Mt. Everest, and then when I started my climb, I tripped and broke my leg at the beginning. When I moved to France for a period of time, I met a girl Sally. We got really close and went out for a few months, and on the cruise where I was going to propose to her, a madman with a gun went on a rampage and she died in the firing. I threw the ring I spent most of my life’s savings on overboard, into the sea, to lie forever at the bottom of the ocean. And when I finally got my dream job as a spy for the CIA, I was fired for a conspiracy theory that I was framed for. And don’t get me started on the rest.
I finally moved to China, and that’s where I met Darren I first saw him at the basketball courts where everyone used to hang out, dealing drugs and gambling. He was one of the few native English speakers living in Hong-Kong, and I spilled out all my problems to him, unable to hold back. It was then I discovered Reinhaven, the world that Darren had discovered; he had a map of the entire place and he described it to me, with fantastic detail, telling me that he knew what I was going through. Reinhaven seemed like the best place ever. Adventure teeming at every corner. Discovery of a land known by few others. And best of all, no one to mess you up. Darren said that everyone who went there so far were people like me, people who had given up hope on earth.
I would soon be away from this evil that some people call earth. What is this world, is it nothing more than a mere illusion? People don’t cross their boundaries to help anyone. And some just enter other people’s worlds only to destroy it, taking everything they have. It was all a useless cycle. These natural disasters, these villains, these killings. But this world was built for me to defeat and move onto something better, someplace better. And for me, that was Reinhaven. Life is a break, a break from living that is. Once you pass onto someplace better, the real world. I needed to move onto a better place, away from these landscapes filled with cake with heavenly vanilla frosting, but all you taste is bitter, stinging pain, full of the poison of snakes raging on fire when you bite in.
At this point, I really wanted to go to Reinhaven. I wrote my suicide note, but it was more like a suicide sentence.
Mom and Dad, I love you, but I need to leave.
I let the black liquid slosh through my throat and move into my body as I fell to a permanent rest, at least in this life. Three more hours to live, to dream. Suddenly, I was on a beach, with no idea how I got there. I saw a bunch of people from my high school and my cousins playing together in the perfect sand and blue ocean. I then turned and saw a man in a black suit with sunglasses.
“I’m here to take you to Reinhaven.”
I turned back and saw the excitement and beauty in the faces of all the people I once knew. I wanted to join them, but I couldn’t bring myself to do so. I solemnly turned away from them and couldn’t turn back; it was like something was shielding my mind, blocking it from thinking, and my body was frozen like a icicle hanging from the ceiling of a cave in the depths of Antarctica.
The next thing I knew I was on the ground, a dirty grass floor, and saw a face stroking my hair. Reinhaven at last. I looked around and I saw a colorful forest and a dragon walking around along with amazing creatures you only see in movies. But there was something wrong. The lady looked familiar. Then I realized that the hand on my head was my mom’s.
“I love you,” she said through tears. “Your dad and I love you. So much.”
I looked around and saw medical instruments, and saw that I was on a small bed with people in uniforms around me. I was in a hospital. My mom told me she came into my room to talk to me about my life, and when she tried to wake me up and saw the vial next to me, she immediately called 911 and took me to the emergency room. I was saved. So there is some good in this world. Time to give this world another try. Turn back and see those beautiful faces, one more time.