To Thomas Langley,
From Unknown blocked email
November 19th

You probably have not the slightest clue who I am. Maybe you didn’t even bother opening this message and deleted it immediately with a roll of those gray irises. Well, let me tell you this. Not reading this would be a horrible idea, perhaps even the last idea you’ll ever have.

You know that tree we used to climb back in middle school? I was Darth Vader and you were Luke Skywalker. You always won our stick duels. Of course, I let you win every time. You were so adorable with that American accent and brave words. Hmm, where was that faux bravery on exactly eight years ago? Right, it’s probably dawning on you who I am. Miss me, Tommy?

Before you call the police, let me first tell you about that currently C4 packed basement of yours. I believe your wife and kids are home for the holidays. Oh, while we’re on the topic, I love your Christmas tree, Tommy. Reminds me of the trees we use to decorate together every year at your house. How’s Margaret? Her apple pies were always divine.

Back to the topic: in five minutes, a car is going to roll up your driveway. Make up an excuse to your wife and get in the car. If you attempt anything else, well, you can figure out the rest. How was Yale, by the way, graduate of class 1989, eh?

Don’t freak out. Knowing you, you probably are. Do what I said and nothing bad will happen to anyone. I swear I just want to talk to you.

Lots of Love,

Darth Vader