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Blackened Waters MAG
September 27, 2010
Her waters once glistened
Blue jeweled waves
Were sheathed in satin.
Only now have the waves have been weighted.
The slick, thick, grasp of a monster
Has tangled wings,
Killed fish,
Rotted roots of mangrove trees.
Slowly treading blue,
Moving closer to eroded shores,
Unforgiving.
© Ellyn R., Elgin, TX
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JOIN THE DISCUSSION
This article has 4 comments.
Stephenie Meyers said...
on Oct. 10 2010 at 2:18 pm
"Only now have the waves been weighted" not "have been weighted" I'm also confused as to where the scene takes place... You say in your notes that it was about the problems rooted in the Gulf, but this sounds like a polluted ocean or something in that nature... If it is indeed about an ocean or the gulf, then you shouldn't add mangrove trees, because there aren't any in the gulf or in the middle of the ocean. If you follow these few critics then your piece could be close to superb writing. Congratulations on the win, i guess.
apocalyptigirl BRONZE said...
on Oct. 3 2010 at 9:58 pm
Yes, I loved this! Beautiful imagery. Don't have any criticism...
NorthernWriter said...
on Oct. 2 2010 at 7:16 pm
I love how it sounds feminine and very descriptive. Even though I'm not a nature person, I definitely felt bad reading this.
