Have you ever thought your world is changing too much too fast to the point where it feels like something is missing? The thought of the world falling apart around you, feeling alone thinking, “Am I lost?” It’s the middle of the night and I couldn’t sleep. I tossed and turned for hours, but with a pounding headache and a sickening feeling, my mind would not rest. The buzzing thought of everyone back home made me feel lonely. Arizona, a place I lived more than half my life.

It’s midnight and I’m so tired, but I can’t sleep. My thoughts are all jumbled with pieces missing and nothing makes sense anymore. To try and clear my head and relax, I light a candle with my favorite sent, Fall Festival, and turn on some light music. That didn’t help. My mind just got louder and the already intense headache worsened. I didn’t think twice before texting my best friend to see if I could get my mind off this sickening feeling. That didn’t work.

The dark room lit by a candle and the glow of the moon, made me feel a little more peace. I sit pondering the thought of my mom, the person who inspired me to go after my dreams, the person who I could always count on, a person who I thought would stay with me forever just disappear from my life. No idea where she went, or if she just needed time to think, but without her I feel lost and scared. I cry quietly, hugging my pillow tightly, and with every thought of her, my grip tightened and  I felt I like I was hugging myself. The shedding of tears in the dark makes my mind calm and feel ease.

I grab a notebook and a pen and I started writing.  I don’t know what made me think about writing, but I just wrote and wrote. I wrote pages of lyrics and stories and everytime I would put my pen down more lyrics or stories would come to me. My notebook, now filled with pages of feelings drenched in tears of not only sadness, but happiness as well.

“Mom…Kat said she’s gonna rip my face off.”

“Kat said what!?”

“She said she was going to rip my face off…I thought we were friends.”

“Did you stand up for yourself?”

“Well yeah. I told her to try and when she raised her crutch I took it and threw it.”

“Good!”

“Good?! Your not mad or disappointed?”

“No, people come and go in life, but they always leave a piece of themselves behind. What they leave behind helps shape you into you.”

Those words circle my mind and I start to wonder about her. My mom went from talking to me everyday to not talking to me at all. I went from someone who was okay with being left in the shadows, to someone who is desperate to be noticed and heard. The world around me is collapsing and my mind, suddenly with thoughts, keeps running around in this track that never ends.

I don’t know which path I should take to reach out to my mom, but I know I should keep going and keep trying to get to her. Like a person lost in a maze, I’m lost in my own little world; seeking comfort from the little light around me. My best friend once told me; “You are perfect the way you are. Nothing can change you. Use this experience and heartache to grow. One day when you look back on this day, you’ll thank your mom for letting you grow to be someone more amazing than you are now.”

He was right. As I’m thinking back now I do thank her; I got closer to my best friend, wrote many good stories, and lyrics that one day I hope will get recognized. Knowing that life is just a big puzzle makes me eager to continue life until my puzzle is complete; until I’m complete and find out who I am. With the world changing rapidly and with the many people coming in and out of my life, many things feel off and incomplete, but I know that things happen for a reason and help shape me into me.