A song my mother used to sing, tells a story of forgiving; every time she sang this for me, I felt nothing except the depression of that composer whose bleeding heart was aching. Since then, I began to question the dominant idea that song has conveyed: why do we have to forgive someone who have broken our hearts and then pretend that we haven’t been hurt?
 
As I’ve grown, things happened in my life led me to think about that question more and more. I found out that forgiving was so difficult for me that I still wasn’t be able to face the person who had taken me to the abyss of pain. Pain, which I would never be able to overcome, frightened me. I didn’t have the courage to go through it and keep moving forward. That evil had dragged me and kept my life standstill; waiting and crying, I hoped someone could come and save me, from that cage of pain which had tormented me for such a long time. My heart never stopped bleeding, where people couldn’t see. It all started at that ruthless winter.
 
On Dec. 21st, 2017, a few days before Christmas, the evil had come. He chose to take my grandpa’s life. That evil demanded a motorcycle to strike him while he was walking in the crossroad. People around had called my mother anxiously, but it was too late. A week ago, I had just made a slipper for my grandpa as a Christmas gift, but now he would never have a chance to try it on. Since then, whenever I walk across that street, I could always image how my beloved grandpa lay on it, feeling his own life was passing; and how the person who had struck him showed his indifference. I couldn’t forgive him forever.
 
A few days after we had sued that person to the court, my grandpa passed in the ICU in a warm morning. My whole world had collapsed when I heard that news; the light was gone, replacing by the endless darkness. I didn’t know what to do to comfort my family while my own soul had already lost. That was the first time I realized how does it feel to lose your beloved.
 
During these despair days, that person who had stuck my grandpa and his family had neither apologized nor come to comfort our pain. The only sentence he said I heard from my parents was “you can sue me, because I’m too poor to pay for compensation. You can’t do anything to me.” His attitude had infuriated me that I couldn’t believe that there was such kind of person living in this world. Even though he wasn’t intending to do that, how could he not feel guilty for killing an elder? That same question raised in my mind again, that person had destructed my family and caused so much pain on our hearts; I would neither forgive nor forget.
 
After almost three years have passed, we were still appealing but there isn’t much progress.
At the same time, the evil didn’t stop moving; he decided to create a violent movement towards a young man. That young man was an entertainer who was called Sean. I’ve noticed him since 2017 and gradually have been attracted by his optimism and warmth which had gently cured my broken heart. He was the sunlight who always spread his warmth to people around him. “Never stop your steps and do not look back; remember to walk towards love.” He did it as what he had said. These words gave me the strength to look forward and enlightened me while I was depressed by the pass of my grandpa. However, the evil didn’t want to let him off who had such a pure heart.
 
On this year Feb. 27th, the evil started their first action. Almost in a flash, bunches of people using their fake evidences tried to slander him. They cursed him, his fans and his family which was so malicious that I still couldn’t believe why people were treating him, whose smile was so clean and warm and who didn’t do anything wrong, like this. Could the malignity be so unprovoked that even people who didn’t know him before also were involved in this violent movement? I didn’t know where that malignity came from, but since then, cursing him seemed to become one’s right that those devils would vent their anger to people whoever had defended for him. Those devils were behaving so unethically that I began to question myself: was the world changed? In the past I remember, people weren’t like this; they treated each other with enthusiasm, and there were few conflicts. Everyone was polite and knew how to respect that seldom people used to show their anger obviously. With the development of science and technology, people were supposed to be well-educated more; but I didn’t see it on the Internet as well as in our daily life. When that young man was forced to apologize though he didn’t do wrong; when that person who struck my grandpa still wasn’t punished, I felt so disappointed, for some people in my country, and for our world. 
 
While I was still feeling disappointed, an interview has changed my mind. In that interview, Sean talked about some of his thoughts he had during the past three months due to that violent movement. He apologized again for people who were impacted by it and was still trying to bring happiness and positive energy to his fans. None of his words talked about people who cursed him or how himself had got through these three months. He didn’t focus on people who had hurt him, instead, he faced that wound directly and talked more about how he was changed and his own thoughts. A sentence he had said before raised in my mind: don’t put your eyes on people you hate, spend more times with the one you love.
 
I knew that he didn’t forget what those people had done to him, and neither had I. But thinking or using your own life to hate them could only waste your own time. Instead of remembering the hatred, paying more attention to people you love gave our hearts a place to relax. I still believe people who had hurt others had destroy themselves simultaneously. Over time, the world might forget the evil, but themselves won’t. They would be ever trapped in that cage of pain by the evil, suffering for what they had done. Those people weren’t worth our valuable time, and we didn’t want to remember nothing except of pain and hatred in the end as well. They have paid for what they did, so we can let ourselves go.
 
I was always finding someone who could save me from that abyss of pain; however, I was wrong. No one could open that cage unless I come out on my own and free my heart by myself. Sean already did it, and now it’s my term.
 
Forgiving doesn’t mean to forget; it’s more about how we awaken ourselves from the past memories and keep moving forward. We don’t need to forgive people who had hurt us but don’t forget to free yourself. Everything that had passed which caused these injuries only was a reminder of what we had gone through. Only ourselves know what we had been through, but we don’t have to tell anyone. Those pain and wounds will always be the thing that make us stronger. And that’s what I believe.