Eight Years Have Gone By…

…and I still miss her. I miss her smile, I miss her laugh, I miss her presence, I miss her. Her high hopes, goals, and dreams: gone forever. I’m still shocked that she’s not here any more. Her eyes were bluer than the sky and her hair dark and long. She had one crooked tooth, but that never stopped her from smiling. Saphaire was my best friend.

In my mind, that day is replayed like a movie that is constantly going. We had been waiting for the three day weekend to arrive. After sitting in school for six hours, it was finally time to enjoy our days off. We had planed on eating junk food, watching movies, playing games and just simply enjoying ourselves. When we arrived at her house, her mom was waiting for us with some cheese, crackers and pink lemonade. Twister and Monopoly, Sorry and Apples to Apples were the games we played over and over. We ate more food than our stomachs could take. Four bags of candy, a two-liter of Sprite, and a tub of ice cream were nibbled on all night. We laughed until we couldn’t breathe. Tears came rolling down our faces when we laughed that hard. We talked about our day. She reminded me of how the teacher found out that Aaron had brought his pet mouse, Rascal, to school. She knew everything about me and I knew everything about her. We talked about boys. We talked about middle school. We even talked about the day we would die; who would cry, how many people would miss us, who would come to our funeral? We talked about everything.

I still think its God’s way of letting me know something bad was going to happen. It was His way of preparing me for the night to come. I’m not sure why He did it, but He did.

We stayed up until the sun was up too. We were tired; she told me that her head was pounding like a drum. I told her that it was from the lack of sleep. We didn’t think anything of it. I didn’t know it was going to be the reason I would never see her again.

The last hug. The last goodbye. The last words I heard her speak. The last everything. My dad came to pick me up around two. After saying “goodbye” and “I’ll see you on Monday,” she jumped inside to take a shower. An hour went by and her dad heard the water still running. He knocked on the door and waited for her to answer. She didn’t. She was lying on the floor. Helpless. Breathless. Lifeless.

Her dad called 911 and an ambulance quickly arrived. They announced her dead on scene. They took her lifeless body to the hospital to find the cause of her death. Meningitis: the inflammation of the cells surrounding the brain and spine; causing headaches. Causing death.

Ring. Ring. Ring. The phone rang. My mom answered. It was her dad. I remember my mom telling me that she was gone. That God had better plans for her in heaven. That I would never see her again.

I couldn’t comprehend it; I was just with her. Now she’s gone. At first I didn’t cry. Shock, took over my body, my mind. I asked twice to make sure it was true. It was.

I went to school on Monday in hopes of keeping her death off my mind. I walked in to Kent Lake Elementary hearing the buzz of Saphaire. I felt like everyone was watching me, teachers, students and even the media. I stayed strong and kept a smile on my face. I’m not going to cry, I told myself repeatedly. I didn’t want to talk to anyone. I snuck into class and stared at the board. I didn’t realize the school counselor was standing in the room with my teacher. They tried talking to me, I didn’t answer. I felt my throat tighten, my eyes water and my face turn red. I was embarrassed to cry in school. I had to leave school that day. I couldn’t take it. I wasn’t as strong as I thought I was.

I cried all day. All night. I couldn’t eat. Couldn’t sleep. A week went by and I was able to pull it together and go to school. The counselor took me out of class. We talked about how good of a friend she was. How being sad was okay. And that it would take me a while to recover.

She told me that Saphaire would always be watching down on me. Saphaire is my Guardian Angel. Eight years have gone by and I still miss her smile, I miss her laugh, I miss her presence, I miss her.