Dear Friend,
I know that you are not really a friend, but really just me. But I can’t write a letter to me because that would be weird. So I will call you a friend, because in a sense, that is what you really are. A stranger, for you and I are different now. I use to be you, but you are still me. I have grown over the years and yet you are not me, at least not all of me.
I wear color now. I’ve stopped listening to music about death, or wondering what the world would be like if I were to suddenly disappear. Dear Friend, I’m not quite sure when you stopped being me, but I also know that this new me is somewhat scary and still rather alien.
I saw our counselor again. The one we always ran to when we were thirteen and the world seemed about ready to fall down around our ears. And believe me when I say, I would have never even recognized her. But when she opened her mouth and said my name, as if it were a beautiful prayer, I was staggered. And I nearly fell down on my knees and cried, right there in the middle of the room for all the world to see. To see how far I have come on my own, without depending on her kind patience is awe inspiring.
I do sometimes wonder what caused me to grow beyond you and stop hiding in my room. But my dear friend, I don’t regret this growing up. If you were to still be me, the world wouldn’t be so approachable, attainable. And the dreams of the future would end just the same as it had begun.
Now I am the kind of girl, the kind of woman, that is brave enough to get on a plane and sprint off alone; not because I am running away from here but rather because I am reaching to bring the outside here. Now I am the person that wants to come back home after my adventures, and not be a wandering gypsy that thinks that Eden is barred to those that are as marked, as scarred, as I am.
It is time for me to say thank you. For what, I am not quite sure. But thank you my old friend. Thank you, for being brave and trying to fight the dragons alone, for holding back the tears you so desperately wanted to shed. Thank you, for putting down the sword and not dying.
I’ve met someone that would like to thank you, someone that loves you for being a part of me. And someday, when our children are born; they would like to thank you too. For giving them a chance at life, with a mother that will know how to keep the monsters at bay, and someone brave enough to fight if they are too scared.