I was molested when I was four years old by my babysitter’s daughter. I kept it a secret for over 10 years.

I had forced myself to forget it, to pretend it was just a nightmare, but it wasn’t. The week before my junior year of high school, I had been thinking about telling my mom, but I didn’t know how.

I really felt like it was time to say something, but how? My mother has always been extremely protective of my sister and me. How could I look her in the eyes and tell her that one of the only people she trusted us with had done such a horrific thing to her youngest daughter. I couldn’t.

Until I heard the song. It flooded my ears and pushed the river of tears out. “There will be a day with no more tears, no more pain, and no more fears.” I had heard Jeremy Camp’s song dozens of times, but suddenly it hit me hard.

I finally found my bravery. It was hidden deep inside me, buried under years of fear and shame. I used to think it was my fault – that I had been asking for it – but it wasn’t. I was four.

I walked into the kitchen, sat down, and told my mom the truth. Once I started, I couldn’t stop; the words fell out of my mouth in piles. She cried, and held me, and it felt like a weight had been lifted from my chest, one that I had been living with for so long I forgot it was there.

The only other person I’ve told is my best friend. I know his deepest secrets, and I felt as if I was lying to him by not telling him mine. When he found out he was angry because of what happened to me, but I feel as if now we have a closer relationship, and I’m thankful for that.

I know it must be weird for someone to be thankful for such an atrocious thing, but I am. I am stronger now because of it, and I can help others who have gone through similar situations.

I hope I never see my abuser again, but if I do, I will forgive her. That may sound crazy, but forgiving is the best way to heal. I think we have a skewed view of forgiveness. We believe that it means to let things go back to normal, to completely let it go and act like it never happened, but forgiveness is simply refusing to hurt someone who has wronged you. She took my innocence. She took my childhood. But I forgive her and feel sorry for her because she has to live with her mistake.

Every day, I am coming to terms with what happened. Some days are great, some days are terrible, but after every day comes a new day. With time and practice it is becoming easier to say it out loud. I was molested. I was assaulted. I was abused. I am stronger because of it. I will not let my past define me but rather use it to guide me in the future.