I am not special, at least that’s what my family says. Ok, well they have never actually said this, but they have shown me through their actions. When you are young, your parents help you with homework. My parents never did this. They were always preoccupied with something else—my sister. Whenever I asked a question or called for help, there would be no reply. My parents would be helping someone else out—my sister. Whenever I asked if a friend could come over, the answer was always no. I had done nothing wrong, they had just made plans for someone else—my sister. Whenever I had nightmares and called out for my mom, no one came. My mom was already taking care of someone else—my sister.

I was never given the attention I needed as I child. I was often forgotten because my parents were to busy with my sister. I grew distant from my family because I knew there was no strong relation between us. They told me to grow up and be an adult because they had better things to worry about, so that’s just what I did. People often tell me to let loose because I’m to uptight. They tell me to have some fun because I can never seem to act like a child. They tell me to be more social because I can’t seem to interact with people my age. It’s not my fault. I was told to grow up.

I do not hold a grudge against my sister or my family. It was just a matter of circumstance. They needed to help my sister and I needed to help myself. They were in the right. They were only doing what was best for my sister and I understood that. That is why I agreed to grow up. It is my own fault I am this way. Not my mom’s, dad’s, or sister’s. Mine. I never lashed out because I was never noticed. I never threw a tantrum because I never got my way. I never took the time we spent together for granted because I knew it was limited. It made me a better person and a better sister. Instead of hating my sister for the quality family time deprived from me, I learned to be her guardian.

You could call it maternal instinct but I would call it the power of sisterly love. The act of forcing me to grow up did not just take away the joy my childhood but it also gave me something. The ability to look out for my sister when my parents neglected to. I was able to become her third parent and provide her with the true love she needed. All it took was for me to take something away from myself so I could give something to her. In time everything will have a purpose and I will be able to be at peace with throwing away my childhood.