Socioeconomic status is an accumulation of many components including education, income, and occupation that factor into a person’s position in society. Originating as a form of socioeconomic status, privilege, “a special right, advantage, or immunity granted or available only to a particular person or group” (“Privilege”), has become a staple of how people choose to present themselves when placed in different situations to feel like they have a stronger sense of belonging within a community. My struggles of being embarrassed and worried that my privilege will consume my identity have presented a challenge in how I search for belonging in my life.

Growing up in a wealthy neighborhood with 2 successful parents, an older brother, a nanny who is basically a part of my family, grandparents that are close enough to drive over to us every weekend, a mountain of opportunities, and a great education, you could say that I’m very privileged. And no doubt, you would be completely right. I have been taught my whole life to appreciate how lucky I am and to always be grateful, and although those are great things to hold on to, following those values will never allow me to fully understand the positions of those on the other side.

Being thankful for my family doesn’t bring the same parents to another kid who doesn’t have the support, appreciating my private education does not give those same resources to students in impoverished areas, and despite my gratefulness, I will never be able to experience those struggles. Personally, I have always made the biggest efforts not to let my privilege define me. I know what you’re thinking...It’s pretty hard to not let privilege define you when you go to a private school that costs a fortune, or when it seems like everyone around you is driving a nice car and has a big house. Although some people enjoy showcasing their wealth, those are mostly people who don’t have much depth to them, which is why materialism seems to be the main foundation of their identity. Unlike those who feel the need to showcase the privilege they have to reach a type of inherent superiority among their peers, I have dealt with being too ashamed to reveal my privilege and tried to hide it to fit in with those of lower status.

When I was 3 years old, the most amazing person in the world came into my life. Her name is Maria. Maria is from Guanajuato, a small, impoverished city in Central Mexico. During her childhood, her mother worked as a housekeeper and her father worked in construction. Her dad eventually moved to the US in search of better opportunities which led her to also immigrate here when she was 28 years old. Speaking not one word of English, she immediately started looking for jobs. She began working in fast food and quickly transitioned into working for families. While we were living in our old neighborhood, she had been working as a housekeeper for our old neighbors, and my parents thought that she could be a good fit to take care of my older brother and I while they worked full-time. Never in a million years would we have expected that the stranger who we’d occasionally see across the street would turn into a true member of our family, but here we are 12 years later with the biggest blessing that our family has ever received. Although it’s difficult for me to remember a time without Maria in my life, I can confidently say that her presence in my life has changed my perspective on the world. There is clearly a significant clash between our backgrounds, and although I have always been empathetic toward Maria’s struggles, I have never personally experienced any of them. I am obviously much more mature and introspective now, but this idea has been on my mind ever since I was young. When my brother and I were younger, Maria would sometimes bring her nieces and nephews to our house to have playdates with us or to go to fun places together, like Chuck E. Cheese’s or the aquarium. We have always been closest to Maria’s youngest sister’s children because they were closest to our age. Rosa is 2 years older than me, Gabriela is 1 year younger than me, and Juan is 5 years younger than me. As a child, I was not able to deeply analyze factors like socioeconomic status, so they just seemed like regular friends to me at the time; however, I was quickly able to notice differences. Sometimes, they would come to my house and make comments like, “Wow! You’re so lucky. You have so many toys!” or “Your house is so big!”. These comments that I normally wouldn’t pick up on quickly started to affect me and I noticed the change in dynamic. All of a sudden, I felt embarrassed by what I had. I didn’t want them to see my toys, my clothes, or anything else because I was ashamed that I had significantly more than them for no fair reason except my status by birth. This embarrassment formed a border between us because I was so afraid of what they could potentially assume about who I was as a person--I didn’t want that visible privilege to define my identity.

I began to find that I was forming borders in my relationships because of the fear I had of how people could perceive my background. When I reflect on my actions, I realize that I masked my true identity out of fear, which defeats the whole purpose of searching for belonging in the first place. After analyzing my own experiences, I have concluded that I should not let insignificant circumstances of my life become part of my identity if I do not want them to define me. I would much rather be defined by my character than by my socioeconomic status. The fear that comes along with potential judgement has created borders between me and my peers, and I have finally realized that the true belonging that I have been searching for has been in front of me the whole time.