Can you miss being a kid if you never had a childhood? All I can remember before the age of 8 is either being terrified (of my mother, of my future, of myself) or really, really sad. I remember getting into movies, and books, and fanfiction, and just fiction in general because I thought maybe one of my favorite characters would fly in and take me from the wicked world of Kansas into the wonderful land of problems being solved or explained by magic. I thought that maybe if I got out of this horrid place that I could have the childhood that I always dreamed of. 

That childhood dream was of course completely inspired by fiction. Mainly escaping from the cold grasp of loneliness that was always gripping my heart. Having more than just a few distant friends. Having a best friend like Rudy, or being apart of a golden trio, or having a superhero family, or having my own hunting partner and bakers boy. As I got older (in the 11-13 range ) that wish became something more. I wanted to have my own Sirius Black godfather or my own Domestic Avengers family. This was including the friends I wanted. Some well adjusted people would say that I am needy.

Along the way I got from this that I wanted (want) to save myself. To climb myself onto a white horse and ride away from my hellhole to my found family. To runaway of my own accord and be taken in, but still be able to say that I sparked the change. The more I grow older the more I figure out how unlikely it is that I would survive that. It would end in either being dead (or worse) or selling myself on the streets. If I have learned anything from the more mature stories that I have been reading, it’s that LGBTQ kids (and kids in general) don’t survive on the streets. 

Now that I am older (but still not old enough to understand much) I think that a good childhood consists of five things: friends, parents, mental safety, enough freedom to be happy, and the ability to dream of a better future.  I might not have most of these things, but I have some. And in the end, that just might be enough. 

Here’s to hoping we can be saved. 

With Love, 

Dawn