Classroom Embarrassment

I guess I’ll start this off with a question, "do you still remember an embarrassing moment from your past that you still think about today as you go through everyday life?" Because I sure do, I think about it when I’m in moments that I have to speak in front of any amount of people. I think about it even if I'm alone with my own thoughts lingering in my mind as I’m trying to complete a task. This memory I’m alluding to goes way back in time to when I was in elementary school. 

This was in second grade and at first it was a regular day like any other. I walked in the classroom after my mom had dropped me off and I sat down at my seat. As I sat there at my desk I would look around the classroom as other students spoke with one another. At the time I wasn’t too good at english and was in a classroom full of english speaking students. So as you would expect, I didn’t have any friends due to the language barrier. Kids would glance at me but usually wouldn’t approach me which would hurt because this made me feel like an outsider, like as if I didn’t belong here with them.

Class had finally started and my teacher proceeded to write a couple of math problems on the chalkboard for us to solve. She then started calling students up to go ahead and solve them, me being the second one. The first kid she called up did the first math problem with little to no effort then went back to his seat. The teacher motioned me to go next so I stood up and walked to the board. First thing I did when I got up there was pick up the chalk although I had not even looked at the math problem yet. I started taking a good look at the problem and absolutely nothing was clicking in my head. I had zero idea on how to find the answer, I’ve never felt more clueless. I looked at my teacher and tried explaining how I was incapable of doing the math. She had little to no care for what I had to say and told me how her and the entire class would wait as long as it takes. I looked back at the problem, feeling the heavy weight of pressure on my back from everyone that was waiting on me to find the answer. 

So there I was, having a staring contest with this math problem that I just could not solve. The teacher started saying how I have to hurry up so others can have their turn on the rest of the math problems. I stare at the problem once again while still holding onto the chalk that I wasn’t going to use any time soon. Even though only seconds would pass, for me these seconds felt like long minutes with all the pressure I was surrounded by. I was drowning up there, I felt awful, absolutely terrible. The teacher then starts making fun of me for taking so long and this causes all my fellow classmates to start laughing at me. All the nervousness I was already feeling was increased, felt like I was sinking in quicksand. I was holding back my tears as best as I could because I didn’t want to make myself look even worse. Eventually the teacher told me to sit back down because I was wasting her and everyone else’s time. The next student stands up to solve the problem I couldn’t solve as I sit back at my desk. This student just like the first solved the math problem presented to him with little to no effort. The teacher thanks the student for being nothing like me and solving the problem. 

When class was about to end and everyone was backing there things my teacher came up to me and said how she wants to talk to me when I’m done packing. I quickly finish up putting all my school stuff in my bookbag and walk to my teacher’s desk. When I get to the desk my teacher says “You won’t make it far in life, I can tell”. The bell then rings and she dismisses all her students from her classroom and tells me one more thing before she lets me go “Try not to fail so much”. I think about this experience a lot, probably dwell on it far too much. Although many seeds of doubt were planted in me that day I still have faith till this day that one day i’ll make something of myself, just not today, not yet at least.