If I Knew What I Know Now

If I knew what I know now I could go back through my life like a timeline and inform myself before complaining, lying and making stupid mistakes or taking the little things for granted. Life would have been a lot different to say the least. Boy If I knew what I know now It would all be different but I couldn't tell you If I would want It to be any different. 

Right now I'm fourteen years old, I've been going to school for almost ten years, five days a week learning growing and evolving. Years of street smarts and life skills, some useful others not so much. The chances I'll need the knowledge on how to graph inequalities are pretty slim but on the other hand, knowing how to use proper vocabulary and the math to figure out how to pay taxes are pretty useful. 

Boy do I wish I had always had this knowledge. If I knew what I know now at age six, maybe I wouldn't have dreaded school so much. Kindergarten, It was only kindergarten and I hated It. But why I went to school later than I do now, hung out with friends, drew and did arts and crafts, I made a mess and I didn't care what others thought of me. I wouldn't have cried and fake being sick as my mom tried to drag me out of the house in the morning at eight o ́clock to go to school.

 Now Im in 9th grade, a freshman in highschool and all I want to do is go back to kindergarten. The time in my life where I had no responsibilities I didn't know what stress was I was living my life. I got to nap and have contests with my friends on what reading level we were at while sitting under the counters in comfy chairs whispering to each other while we should have been reading, and that's as much stress as I had ever experienced. 

Now highschool wow, highschool it's really nothing like the movies, way too much homework stress judgement rude people and constant thoughts spinning through my head like a ferris wheel that won't stop turning, does my outfit look good, is my hair parted the right way did i finish the homework in all six classes after I came home from a seven hour school day and then hours of sports. My family barely ever sees me constantly drowning in work being told to act like an adult but treated like a child. 

If I knew what I know now, I would have spent more time with my little sister, when she was little and less annoying. I would have held her longer played dolls with her for more time, I would have picked out her outfit one more time. If I knew that she was going to grow up and become more mody and busy, I would have done the little things just one more time. 

As we have gotten older the things we used to do have disappeared like dreams when you wake up in the morning. I wish I had spent more time with Brooke when she was little when we had zero care, homework and sports never got in the way and we were the only friends we knew. If I knew what I know now I would have beat Brooke one more time in a bike race around our neighborhood while we still had the time. 

If I knew what I know now I would have played outside one more time, made a rainbow on the driveway in chalk. My hands different colors like the chalk walked across my skin painting as it wet along. Gone down our inflatable water slide into the big pool or bounced on our bouncy house one more time before I was too big. I would have knocked on my neighbors door one more time and asked If they want to build a fort or fairy house or have a lemonade stand. 

If I knew what I know now I would have watched all the Disney channel shows like Hannah Montana and Wizards of Waverly Place or Good Luck Charlie before they went off the air. I would have watched Max and Ruby or Spongebob one more time before I outgrew them. 

If I had the knowledge back then that I would now a days come home after school and drown in homework and after school activities I wouldn't have taken for granted the days I ran home to snack on the kitchen table and my parents in the same house as they greeted my sister and I. I used to come home and throw my backpack on the ground with only a single folder and my lunch box, and now I can barely even pick my backpack up it's like a bag of bricks many folders, notebooks, books for classes a computer and so much more. I wouldn't have taken for granted coming home and going outside to play with my neighbors.

 If I knew that my best friends in elementary school who were also my neighbors would move away in fourth grade I would have had one more sleepover with them and gave them one more hug, even played family or doctor with them just one more time as we laughed and pretended to be living the life of a grown up. Boy if I knew what I know now.  

If I knew what I know now I would have spent more time at the beach rather than sitting in the beach house with my cousins. I would have run up and down the beach without a single care in the world, falling and accidentally eating sand and laughing about it, not caring who saw me or how silly I looked. But back then I sat in the beach house and If I knew what I know now I would have run down the stairs as fast as I could to make my way to the beach. 

If I knew what I know now I wouldnt have hated my cousin the way I did seeing she has become one of my best friends. I wouldn't have fought with her like she was my arch enemy. I wouldn't have hit her and left her house out of anger and locked myself in my bathroom out of rage at her and got so mad I threw my soap dispenser at the ground so hard I dislocated my shoulder. Now she's one of my bestfriend I see her everyday and we laugh about the way we used to antagonize each other. 

If I knew what I know now I wouldn't have fought with my parents about the stupidest things and lied about little things like if I had brushed my teeth or not. Now I know it wasn't worth it, my parents were nothing but good to me and I would fight with them over nothing. Now looking back I can see why they would get so annoyed with me, what I would do was pointless. If I knew what I know now maybe I wouldn't have been so incredibly angry at my parents when they got a divorce. Now I know it was the best thing they could have done, I have a great stepdad and soon to be stepmom with two great step brothers. I wouldn't have gone four days not talking to my parents. But now I know, if only I had known back then. 

Even though there are things I would go back and change, improve do one more time I wouldn't change a lot. I did a lot of things for the last time and had absolutely no idea if it was the last time I was doing it. I would go back and do something more time but sometimes the best things are best lived as memories. I wouldn't want to know I was saying goodbye to my neighbor one last time, the joy would have been taken away, but I do wish I knew what I know now in a lot of situations. 

I would have not made up white lies fought with my parents or taken things for granted. But I am nothing but fortunate of the life I live and have lived and wouldn't change much because everything has happened for a reason in one way or another. And honestly I don't think I would have needed the knowledge I have now, even though it would have been great it would have taken the joy out of many things.