“Let’s say our first impressions of each other.” Alexia, long-haired and big-eyed, said from across the table full of breakfast food. On her left was a girl, eating pizza very fast, who was tall and blond, on her right, another, shorter girl with black hair and bangs tastefully eating her salad. 

It’s the last day of the pre-college program and we are all tired from the previous night of trying our best to finish finals, and even though it’s ten in the morning we are still barely lucid. 

“What did you think of me?” Alexia pushes when no one says anything. 

I think back, trying to remember 6 weeks ago when I had arrived at this school. The nasty weather that had assaulted us all winter had finally broken, though not before choking up a horrific finale, a late spring thunderstorm that lasted days, just for good measure. But, on arrival day the weather was perfect as we drove for three hours, heading downward toward Providence.

As if in response to the good weather, that day the stores of the city were packed with boy-girl combinations all hustling to get a brunch table and boat rentals, and, in response, many boats made their way lazily under the low-set Providence bridges where brightly dressed girls laid back in their boats. I remember noticing these small details, because I was fervently trying to distract myself from what was coming, the longest time away from my family ever, with no one I knew, surrounded by better artists than myself, and no way to leave. I could feel my stomach turning faster the further we drove, the closer we got. 

My parents would not leave without me saying so, and I could tell that was what they were waiting for as we sat in silence at the Welcome Lunch. I got up, took a deep breath, and tried to say goodbye. 

“Stand up straight,” my dad said, “don’t slouch.” He didn't say anything more, but we have always communicated in a more reserved way, and I knew that he meant a great deal more than that. 

I remember reminding myself to look confident, believing that impressions are really based off of whether you’re shy or not. So on that first day, I took a deep breath, told myself, “I got this” and left my dorm room with what I hoped was a confident smile. I soon realized that it was damn hard to keep the smile going for long when inside butterflies were not fluttering but zooming around crashing into the walls, my stomach was flopping like a fish out of water. 

Before I met Alexia, I thought she was confident and mature, and much more comfortable with this new situation that I was. 

“Hi, I’m Eliza. What's your name?” I asked. Her name is Alexia. She is from Brazil. She asked me to play ping pong.

“I thought you were so confident and sure. I remember feeling relieved when you asked me to play ping pong because my roommate didn’t want to leave our room.” My roommate, I assumed at the time, just wanted to be left alone and was fine with eating by herself. I would always see her in the corner of the cafeteria at a table with her headphones on, scribbling away. 

I remember Alexia telling me, in a whispered voice, that she thought my roommate was rather arrogant: “because she won’t talk to anyone,” she would say.  Her impression was so different than mine. “And I thought you were kinda aloof, it was kinda off-putting at first.”

Really? 

“Seriously, that's not how I felt at all, that’s weird. I think when I get really nervous I get quiet and people think I’m judgemental.” 

That's interesting, I thought. “And I thought Clara,” I turned to the girl to the left of me, “was a rule follower, but now I know better.” 

“Yeah, you were way off the mark,” she snorts. There was a pause. “I think we met when you came to that card game,” she says, twirling a piece of hair, trying to remember. 

The room was large and I remember people milling around sitting in the couch area or playing ping pong or foosball. I stopped outside the forum where the vending machines are so I could pretend like I was just getting something to eat but really I tried to get a good look to see who was there. I smiled weakly. “Oh, yeah. I remember that. I was in my room and my roommate still didn’t want to go out, so I was like screw it and went to the common room. You guys looked like the least intimidating crowd, no offense.” I felt so scared everyone in the room seemed to know each other and I was risking initially looking like a fool. I remembered the first steps into the forum and the suden, horrible feeling that I had just been splashed with a bucket of ice-cold water.

“You didn’t know anyone. Damn, that was ballsy. I'm going to get dessert.” 

After breakfast, I return to my dorm room passing the keycard over the scanner, and the door made a faint click. Inside, predictably, was my roommate sitting on her bed, headphones on, scribbling away on her notepad. She looks up and nods in acknowledgment.

“Hey,” I say, and pull up a chair to clamber onto my bed, we never figured out how to lower it.  Closer now, after six weeks I felt like I finally understood my roommate, and didn't feel awkward asking, “Because we are leaving soon can I ask what your first impression of me was?” 

She kept still scribbling, but I can tell she is thinking hard. “Your kept running around bringing in more and more stuff, and I remember that I couldn't help thinking, there is no way this girl is going to use all that stuff.” She pauses for a minute, trying to remember what she wanted to say, “Oh! Haha, I remember being super nervous when your mom kept reminding you to shower and eat. I was like, oh gosh this girl doesn’t know how to shower, but, yay, now I know you do, thank god.  

Too tired to talk more, I pulled on my pajamas and fell into bed. My impressions had been so far from the truth. She had been the one judging me when I thought I was to her. I came to realize that it’s pretty simple: people's first impressions are usually a huge mistake. 

“I don't know if you've ever noticed this, but first impressions are often entirely wrong,” she says and puts her headphones back on, fluffs up her anime covered pillow, and continues to scribble away. At least we can agree on one thing.