I was five years old when I realized a crucial part of my personality was caring for other people. My mom likes to recount stories of me mothering all my friends as soon as I could talk. My first memory of this worry and concern for others started when I was arguing with my best friend Jayden. My mom had just bought us  a new toy. 

Jayden was my best friend. We have known each other since we were six months old. Where I went, Jayden followed. Where Jayden was shy, I was outgoing. He relied on me for everything even though I was a month younger. I always felt protective of Jayden and that's how our dynamic continued. 

My mom got us a drum set. Inside the hollow drum was a number of other noisy plastic instruments and one drumstick. As caring as I was, I was still only five and I wanted that drum stick. I pushed and pulled trying to pry his sweaty hands off the toy. We looked up into each other's eyes, knowing what we had to do. If we couldn't solve this problem we had to take it to someone who could. Our moms. We screamed their names as we shot down the hallway. Then Jayden's cries got more urgent followed by “it wasn't me.” I was falling, suddenly I was on the floor and he was ahead of me. My chin felt warm and wet. I couldn't move. I was in shock. My mom came into view and picked me off the tiled floor. And then there was pain, blinding pain that made my eyes water. She sat me down on the cold marble of the bathroom counter. I was crowded as Jayden’s mom entered the room too. The concern on her face was more evident than my mom's. I immediately knew what they were thinking. I was going to the hospital. 

“It okay. I fine,” I blabbered incoherently as the blood dripped down my pajama top. My mom smiled tightly.

“ I don’t need the hospital right?” my voice grew higher in pitch as they both stood in silence examining my face. 

“How bad is it? '' I hesitated because maybe I didn’t want to know. 

My mom reached behind me, methodically pulling out my hello kitty bandaids. I am prone to accidents, fun band-aids are a must to calm me down. She pulled out two matching band aids and taped them to my chin in a cross. I caught Jayden’s eyes in the doorway. His face had gone pale and he ducked out of sight. 

“It's going to be ok,” was all she said as she shooed me to my bedroom. It was dim, with only the light from the hall to illuminate it. 

I pulled myself to sit on the top of my covers leaning back in my bed. I hear them whispering, mom sounds worried: “I think I saw the fat on her chin.”

Her voice is faint, the words hang in the air. At the moment this made no sense to me. Moments later my mom appeared in my room, stuffing me into my winter coat and putting me into the car seat. It was dark and I couldn't make out much as I fell asleep to the sounds of traffic. 

I woke up in a parking lot. I see a flash of red, my heart falls to my toes. I hate the hospital. We get out of the car and I see Jayden in a blue puffer jacket pleading his innocence to his mom. At this moment I knew Jayden was afraid and worried. Seeing him in such distress I knew I had to do something to calm him down. At this moment I remember nothing about the pain in my chin or the looming threat of doctors, I only wanted to tell Jayden I was going to be ok. We make our way into the emergency room and sit in the waiting room, looking at our competition. 

I'm next to Jayden. He won't look at me. Someone coughs. I turn to Jayden to make a disgusted face and he laughs. The nerves slid off of him like melted snow. I'm relieved immediately to see him smile. A nurse called my name and rushed our whole group into another room. It was small and painted floor to ceiling in a light blue. A bed lay in the center covered with paper and a small chair rested in the corner next to it. My mom lifted me onto the bed and Jayden took the chair beside me. The tv flickered with the image of some Disney princess. A beat of silence. A knock at the door. We all turned our heads as it creaked open and the doctor appeared. I was blinded by panic but stayed silent, glancing at Jayden as he exited the room. To my shock, it got worse. A nurse entered moments after with shots and metal tools. I was truly going to faint. They came closer and instructed me to lay back and relax, which seemed impossible when I had my DEATH looming before me. But I held my mom's hand and lay back squeezing my eyes shut knowing it would all be over soon. There was a weird sensation of tugging and piercing, but no sense of pain. I wanted to curl away and make them stop. An agonizing two minutes later they told me I was done. I stayed frozen in fear as the nurse left and Jayden waddled back in with two fists full of prizes. He handed me mine and an orange popsicle and a Dora sticker. He was all smiles and ready to tell me about his adventure in the hospital. I laughed and opened the wrapper of my popsicle, not ready to share mine.