If being skinny is the rule in dance, then being called fat means you are the egregious exception. When I was five, I did not ask my male dance teacher to be the judge, jury, and executioner of my self-confidence when he said I should lose weight. Yet, it happened, and I could do nothing about it. Usually, kids do not remember much from their childhoods, but I remember the day I was marked with the F word like a pig up for slaughter.

I felt constantly belittled because I did not have that ideal "dancer body", even though I had the techniques and the flexibility like everyone else. In kindergarten, our teachers organized an end-of-the-year performance. I practiced every day in that dusty classroom to master my pirouette and pilé despite the constant pleas from my friends to play tag with them; I was steadfast in getting that dance role. However, my teachers crumbled my dreams with the F word. They chose six girls but left me out. After school, I overheard my teachers say, "She is too fat. We want six girls with the perfect body. It will look better on stage."

What is the saying, "Wounds heal but scars last forever?" Throughout school, the F word poisoned itself and infected my body; even a joking remark will leave me in tears. I hated my body. I would try to cover as much as I could. Moreover, whenever I watched movies, I envied the leading actress's perfect hourglass-shaped body. When I saw my classmates rocking the clothes I never dared to wear, I felt hideous compared to them.

During the summer of Grade 7, I began obsessively counting calories because I thought eating less was the only way to be beautiful. I did lose weight, but it became a vicious cycle of starving myself.

The F word was a burden I never chose to carry. It is a burden that no one should ever carry. Noticing my struggles, my mom asked me, "Why should we obey society's norms and treat our bodies like fast fashion? Who are we trying to impress?" I pondered and realized I was trying to impress society so I would not be judged and ridiculed. I am not overweight, I am actually at a very healthy weight, yet I do not have that Victoria Secret model body. Society twists the idea of an ideal body, creating body anxiety for many people. Even in a kindergarten performance, where the purpose was to have fun, the teachers cast me out because of my body. I thought I was fat and ugly because I am not Bella Hadid.

People will always find a fault within me when they want to. Society taught me that being fat is ugly. However, if someone only loves me because of my body, that love is superficial. Being healthy and confident is much more beautiful than any measurements. People who genuinely care will not leave you due to your weight; they will still love you. It took me more than ten years to finally understand that I am beautiful and do not have to lose weight to please society. I still exercise and eat healthily, but I am doing that for myself now. Nobody should ever force you to lose weight to be "beautiful"; leave the haters behind and thrive.