“Ding” I open my phone to read a dreadful message. All these thoughts have tangled up inside of me, more knots form with every breath I take. I feel trapped in my thoughts with no escape. I’m in my room, four walls surround me. It feels like I'm stuck in a maze only there is no true exit. I want this feeling to leave me, the feeling like I'm drowning in my thoughts.

 “Am I really not good enough?” I say to myself sobbing, it's getting hard to breathe. Tears rolled down my face, salty like the sea. I lean over and check the time, the clock reads 12:40. 

The light from the moon is shining into my room, bright like the sun. Crying into my pillow with my eyes turning red and puffy. 

“Why me, it’s always me,” I say as I get another message. Dreading to read it I slowly pick my phone up, my hands are shaking like crazy. 

“No no no,” I whispered. I don’t know what to do, all these thoughts are running through my head. Do I reply? No. Should I just leave it alone? Also no. I don’t know what to do and before I know it I'm now sitting in my bathroom, looking into the mirror. The reflection of someone I can’t recognize, but that someone is me. Face red and wet, nose running, my whole body is shaking. Now I am just sitting there in a corner wondering what I do to deserve this. My head is pounding, wishing for all of this to escape. I can’t talk about it, I think to myself, no one will understand. I watch my phone light up from across the room. 

 I don’t want to see what the text might be so I stay sitting there. My eyes are filled with tears. All I hear is the sound of messages dinging from my phone. I slowly stand up and grab my phone. I am shaking so much I can barely hold it. I take a shaky breath and open my phone. I see 13 messages lighting up the screen. The tears come again, more this time. I silence my phone. All I want is someone to talk to, but there is no one. Even if I do talk to someone it’s not like they will understand I think to myself. I am listening to my own muffled cry trapped into my pillow that is now wet with tears. I look up when I hear my phone buzz on the cold floor. I picked it up and read the text from Piper, Lily, are you ok?. At that moment I am not ok, I am sitting on a tile floor, it is cold and wet with tears. I responded to her saying, No I’m not. I want her to ask me what happened but I am scared. All of these “what if” questions are in my mind. What if she doesn't care? What if she thinks I'm overreacting? I check my phone to see that she has responded. What happened? You can talk to me. I am here for you. I take a deep breath as I tell her everything that has happened. The worst hour of my life keeps replaying in my head like a never ending rollercoaster. Only this roller coaster is one of sadness, not joy. What felt like forever I got a reply from Piper and I was not expecting the response I got. She understands me and wants to help me. The relief I have is amazing to feel I finally am able to talk to her and not just her, someone. 

“Someone actually cares” I say while wiping my tears off my face. Piper and I talked for around 30 minutes and she stayed up with me to make sure I will be ok. At that moment I realized that all of these thoughts were stuck in a bubble that needed to be popped. I was worried that if I talked about it I would be judged even more but in the end that is what helped me the most. My body finally has stopped shaking. I was able to calm down and finally get some sleep. Being able to have Piper to not just talk to but know there was someone there and that she is willing to talk about everything. Having her do that  really helped me when I was having a hard time. I will never forget this night and all the pain I had felt. I learned alot from this experience that you might be scared to talk about an experience that had happened but once you let all your thoughts and feelings out to someone you have trust in, you will feel a lot better.