Dear Me, 

       You finally met him. You finally met a guy that treats you the way you have always dreamed. His deep brown eyes are like pools of gold when the sun hits them just right, and his smile makes your heart skip a beat. Sure you are only seventeen, but in this moment, this is the love that you need. I know you have never seen a relationship that is healthy or last long, growing up in a broken home with a troubled past, not to mention growing up in a culture of hookups and drunk makeouts, but I’m begging you please don’t mess this up. He got mad at you for the first time, and I know when someone gets mad at you it automatically makes you think that they are going to walk out of your life, but he is here to stay, for a while at least. Please don’t overthink it. Disagreements happen, people get mad, it’s a part of life. It’s a part of love. You’ve apologized some number of times, it is time to let it go. You let your overthinking take control and it gets in the way of your relationships with people. So please, take a breath, and let it go. It happened. It’s over. And he is still here. I know it’s scary. To let someone in after you have spent a majority of your life building walls to protect yourself, but let him in. Let him see you. Don’t be afraid to talk to him about the things that are making you so fearful. He needs to know. He needs to know how to show up for you if you want to make it last. He has already shown you so many ways that he is here no matter what the situation is. He loves you even when you make him so mad he just wants to ignore you for a while, but he doesn’t. He doesn’t ignore you because he knows the tricks that your brain plays on you. He knows that you overthink and are anxious and would think it is all over if he ignored you. He knows, and he doesn’t want to put you through that. You’ve been through hell and back, and he wants to make sure you never are back in a place that feels like that. The way he wraps his arms around you are to ensure you know you are safe. The way he gently plays with your hair while softly kissing your forehead is so you know he doesn’t just want you for your body. So let him be there. Let him comfort you in situations that in the past you dealt with on your own. Let him show you affection and get close to you. Don’t be nervous when his arms are wrapped around you or when he holds your hand tightly while watching a movie. Home isn’t always a place. Sometimes home is a person. And right now he feels like home. I know you have heard a thousand times before that it is young love and won’t last, and maybe that is true, but at least give it a shot. Don’t let the what if’s stop you from living in the moment and falling in love. Be a stupid teenager in love, because you are only seventeen once. You only experience your first love once. So let it happen. Slow dance outside your car under the moonlight. Kiss him in the rain or at a school dance. Cuddle closer when the movie is scary. Just be. Be in this moment. This perfect moment. This moment of you and him. You and him.

                                                                                                  Sincerely,

                                                                                               Your 1am Self