She unlocked the door and found me hiding under my boyfriend's desk. I got escorted down the green metal stairs and into Lieutenant Kelly’s office he was on the phone with my mom. “We found your daughter, she was in a boys dorm and is here in my office now with her bags” my throat dropped into my stomach. I wanted to cry. He told me she would be here soon. It doesn’t seem like a big deal but to me it felt like the world was ending. My mother was on her way, not my dad but my mom and I was not ready to deal with her. 

She was here and I walked outside the office like I didn’t see her. I had one big green suitcase full of everything and a red duffle bag. She made me leave both, and told them to keep my badges and uniforms because I was ungrateful and didn’t deserve them. I understood at the time how much I let her down but I hated her so much that I couldn’t admit or take accountability for what I did at the time. 

The drive from my Military school and to the nearest airport was four hours away. I sat in the passenger seat looking out the window, the dry desert of Roswell, New Mexico for miles. The sun is barely rising. I looked to my right and I could already see the anger steaming from her head ready to explode. But she didn’t. She took a deep breath and turned to me, her face cherry red with tears coming down her hazel angry eyes. She turned back to the road, at this moment I couldn’t tell if she was really mad or genuinely hurt. All I felt was guilt in my throat and nausea in my stomach and then suddenly a huge wave of reality hit me. I am not a little kid anymore and my selfish decision made me hurt someone who has done so much to get me here even if we don’t get along I can recognize that.

She went on about how she felt hurt, lied to, and what was gonna happen to me. She said I would be living with my sister in California and all of my stuff from home would be sent in the mail within a week. Getting kicked out twice in one day was not something I was expecting but obviously our big actions have big consequences and this was just the beginning of mine

Rubbing my eyes trying not to cry, I turned my whole body facing her and said “Please don’t send me away, I'm sorry, I'm sorry, I'm so so so sorry...” my throat felt like sharp wires clenching it shut and all my tears started to spill out, no place else for them to go. All I could say was sorry because nothing from inside would make it out of my mouth; no more excuses to give out. We cried in front of each other, I never shared a peak of emotion with this woman, but it was all crashing down. This was probably the first time I felt a real heartbreak. 

We arrived at the airport where we said our goodbyes, and continued to cry. My mom hugged me tight in the boarding area, before she let go she said “it’s gonna be okay”. After years she finally acknowledged my pain and understood me. It sucks that it had to end this way for her to finally see me. Everything happened at once, till this day I still think about getting on that airplane with my one way ticket to Sacramento, California and how my life was changed completely. I did learn a lot that day, mostly about myself, but also that the little mistakes I made became way bigger than I could have imagined. It was one of the toughest pills I had ever swallowed although, looking back, it was one of the best things that could have happened.