The pandemic had passed and the world was coming to their senses about
starting to live their lives again. It had been a vastly long 6 months at home hiding from
a disease that very few knew anything about except that it could be spread rapidly and
people were becoming very sick from it and some even not surviving. It literally felt like
we were all in a simulation of some new video game just released for the PS5.
The sun was shining bright and what felt like earlier than usual while I was
counting the minutes until I couldn't anymore. It would be the first time I had ever set
foot through those school doors as I entered my last four years of school. I had spent
the last 3 months of summer and the previous 3 months of my 8th grade year sitting at
home, locked in, not knowing what was happening around me. It was all setting up to be
an incredibly long freshman year for me.
My mom yelled at me from the other side of the house, as she always did, “Let’s
go son, we need to take your first day of school picture!” I have never understood why
parents do this, the pictures literally look the same every year. “Okay mom, I’m coming,
meet you outside in front of the house.” She stood there about to snap the picture and
said, “oh wait! Pull down your mask so I can see your face!” I knew at that moment life
truly was different and had changed drastically from what I once knew. My anxiety
began to grow as we got in the car and headed down the street towards school. My
thoughts raced in my head; new school, freshman year, new people, and new teachers.
Those were the normal anxieties, but let’s just add in that everyone was wearing a hot,
stuffy, sometimes stinky mask! I thought to myself, “I didn’t sign up for this!”
We pulled into the parking lot and my stress level grew. Mom told me she loved
me and to have a great first day of freshman year, but how was I supposed to do that? I
mean, look at us all? Walking around like masked bandits, carrying backpacks, trying to
look as normal as we all could. I closed the car door and took a big, deep breath, pulled
my mask up, put my backpack on and started to walk towards those giant double doors
to my new high school. I turned around as my mom pulled away and stopped for a
moment and almost started to run after her. Then I sighed and turned back towards the
doors and began the long walk ahead. As I stepped through those tall, double doors, I
immediately saw the stares and the people with their masks over their mouths and
noses. I observed the foyer and noticed hand sanitizer stations all around as well as a
basket full of newly packaged masks for students who lost theirs could get a new one.
There were markings on the floor that said where we could stand and not to stand. Was
this a neverending nightmare? Would I ever wake up? Being an introvert and already
having anxiety, this could possibly push me to the brink. There wasn’t much talking
going, but more of a mumbled, muted sound like a messed up speaker at a fast food
restaurant. I could only see their eyes and it looked to me like everyone was in a
science fiction movie walking around with cloth around their faces hiding from each
other.
I couldn't decide whether I felt uncomfortable and uneasy, or if it was supposed to
feel normal that way, afterall, it was my first day of high school. I was trapped in my own
thoughts, the sounds were muffled and the people around me felt like constant
obstacles. The first bell rang and I headed to my first period. After climbing up the
steps, I immediately wished that I had reconsidered going back to school. I walked into
my first class and my teacher was nice, almost too nice. As I went to my seat I felt like I
was blocking all views of the other kids in that class. I felt like a breath of fresh air would
help, if only I could take this material off of my face! Lunch was next but it just didn't feel
right, so I headed to the South gym bathroom and hid away in a stall to have my lunch
that my mom packed for me. 3rd period was just as expected.. Awful. We had a group
assignment and those are my worst nightmare. My group members were talkative and I
was so quiet to the point of an awkward silence. I wanted a way out, a vent or
something to get me through, you can only listen to music for so long before your
attention goes back on what you least want it to. The bell rang like a loud and
obnoxious alarm for the day to move on. My next class was awkward as I couldn't find
a seat, I was trembling with anxiety and as I moved up to ask the teacher for another
desk to sit at I felt my stomach turn inside out. My palms were sweaty as I tried to
explain to her that there were no more seats, she pointed me to another desk where I
went to sit down. I put my headphones back in, regretting it once more every second of
this day's decision to go to school. I want out of this place. I’m overthinking myself into
despair and have no hope, only a few more classes this day but then what about
tomorrow, I thought to myself. This will only get worse for me but I must progress, it
must be in the cards for me, at least that's what my parents and peers always say when
I am down. 5th period came and went fast! I finally had some hope. Maybe it's not so
bad if I can power through. But, that's just it, powering through can be the hardest thing
anyone can do. They say if you do, it will pay off. I found it hard for myself to find that
way out, somehow cope, some way figure this whole thing out and get through at least
this year. It was so hard this time, I thought it was going to be like last time. Things were
different, the struggle felt more impactful. It felt like I couldn't get out if life depended on
it. I knew somehow I could do it. 6th and 7th period were not much better for me. First
day name tags and friendly games, I see it as a stressful dream where I’m the one
everyone wont like. Being there felt like prison even not knowing what prison really feels
like, I could only imagine! My last class I felt like a final boss in a video game. We
were starting a project already, my mind was stressing before me and I couldn't even sit
still. It was a struggle for the whole 45 endless minutes! At least the teacher was nice
though. Finally that last bell rang and I couldn't leave that building any quicker. I got to
my dad’s truck in the parking lot, only to pull my mask off of my face and start thinking
about the next day.