I always thought I was beautiful always never ugly not ugly maybe okay. Ever since I was a young girl I was okay every little child is believed to be beautiful because all the love their mother or father gives them. As we get older that love stops we start hearing the negatives that we hoped we would never hear of. I remember being in fourth grade being evicted from the apartment my mom just had my little brother and my mom couldn’t afford the apartment before with my now 2 sisters and two brothers. I remember how embarrassing it was to have to police wait out for you outside to make sure you leave us taking the trash bags out with all our stuff in it and stuffing it in the van. The police eyes following us as we left. Me secretly crying so no one could see. I was always emotional but I never ever wanted to show it. I remember moving to a new school people would call me Oreo because I’m black but supposedly I act white. I remember hearing remarks about my clothing or the shoes I wore and that I stinked because of what I had on or how I was poor. That was fifth grade when my confidence shot down to an all time low.
Little did I know in high school it got worst me having relationships with certain guys that are no good? Lazy rude and mean guys that treated me bad and would scream at me and sometimes threaten me or use the love I gave them up. That’s when my confidence went down lower when gave so much love and didn’t receive it back sometimes I wonder do I try to find love from guys because I have no father figure in my life maybe I would know the right and the wrong guys but I’m slowly learning that I have to learn about guys on my own. The day when my mom can’t afford some of the bills and may have to borrow from time to time and when I can’t get what others have. The day when I liked a guy so much and he claimed he liked me and sometimes would tell me that I think I’m cute or I act like I’m to good for someone or that I’m not that good-looking at all. That’s when my confidence sank down to a all time low
And it still is