Hanging up the phone is like needles to my heart. "Bye." Never did that word hurt as much as now. Like a knife slicing into my flesh. Falling on broken glass. But my heart is more broken than the glass shattered on the ground. Knowing that the second I press end your voice will no longer be the sound I hear. It's so hard. I don't know if I can do that again. So you mine as well not call. And if you do I'll try so hard not to answer, but I'll give in. And then I'll end up having to say that word again. I'll stall. I'll say "I love you," a million times before I have to say that word. I'd rather say "I hate you," then to say that word. Although that would be the deepest lie that could ever come out of my mouth. A bye is a painful truth, and "I hate you," is a painful lie. I'd rather tell a painful lie than painful truth. For a lie isn't reality and a truth is nothing but reality. If that makes sense. You hang up and all I hear is a dial tone. Dead end. I feel dead. I'd rather die than not hear your voice. I crave that sound. I want it. It's among my strongest desires now. Right behind wanting to be with you. See you. Have your body right next to mine. The phone has become my worst enemy. Because it forces me into saying bye to someone I never want to say bye to in my life. It taunts me. I get the joy of saying hello, but the fear of saying goodbye. And then the reality of it. I hang up and my eyes sting. I want to hold it in but I can't. I let it all out. One tear falls, and then I can't stop it. It's like a flood but there's been no drought so it's not a good thing. The more tears fall, the more I can't control them. I lay down in the darkness looking up into a realm of nothing. It wouldn't matter if it were as bright as day. The tears in my eyes made it as if there was a storm. Dark clouds everywhere. The more clouds the more rain. And the more rain the more clouds. I start to get warn out and fall into a deep sleep. In my dream, you're all I see. I look to my left. There you are. I look to my right. There you are. I look in the mirror and I see you behind me, but when I turn around you're not really there. And when I open my eyes in the morning I lay there for hours thinking of you. Day turns to night. And it's the beginning of my nightmare all over again. "Bye."