The Desk of the Eagle
The White House
1600 Pennsylvania Avenue, NW
Washington, DC

United States of America 20500











1 August, 2010

Dear Ms. Baby,

My close friend and advisor, PoAph, recently informed me of the fact that despite reaching 14 months of age, you refuse to walk. She cites laziness as the reason, but I believe there are more pressing concerns on our minds right now. Do you realise the implications of your ‘evolution gone wrong’ symptoms which you are naively disguising as the inability to muster up enough energy to do something as simple as placing one foot in front of the other?

Being a matter of such great importance, I delayed my daily meeting with the soldiers working in Guatemala Bay due to your innocently disguised ruse to destroy the human race as we know it. Who will plan the new techniques for OlympiRadha's Letter.docc High Dives now? And this is all because of you, and your sadistic desire to destroy the human race.

Do you realise what will happen to the world just because certain people flat- out refuse to toddle along holding their teddy bears? Focus on the bigger picture. Next thing you know, there will be teenagers eating mashed bananas and crawling around instead of getting drunk and crashing Ferraris! Oh, the horror!

Had you been in China, you would be doing leg splits by now. Had you been living in Rajasthan, you would have been at your in-laws’ place at this very moment. But you decide to plonk yourself in the middle of a shockingly indulgent family, crawling around, revelling in your non- walking-ness. Where is your dignity, woman? Where is your sense of empathy?

As the upholder of peace and unity in the world, I beg you to get off your Gluteus Maximus and think about the fate of the world, which just happens to be hanging on your insanely tiny shoulders. Take the right decision. Save mankind, because animals eat their young.

A Truly Desperate Upholder of International Peace and Unity



Barrack Obama
President of the United States