There are times I look up and think, God…why am I like this? Why is my life like this? Why am I so miserable sometimes? And then sometimes I break down crying. Depending on what’s going on, my life could be the best thing I could ever hope for, or it could be something that I want to throw away.

Personally, there are times I think no one cares about me. Like when I’m in drumline. There are times I think the drumline doesn’t care about me. Like tonight.

Tonight was our first football game of the season. I’m in the front ensemble this year, and last year I was in the battery. I’m only a sophomore, and it seems like this year is going to be worse than last year. Tonight, I said ‘hi’ to one of the guys that was on cymbals with me last year. He said ‘hi’ back, uninterestedly. I just don’t really have friends in drumline.

Since I’m in the front ensemble, we don’t play in the stands, we dance. And me and my friend Kelsey, who is a freshman this year, we didn’t want to dance. And we had at least 2 people say we weren’t any fun. And to that I replied, “That’s awesome.” I danced to one song tonight, and that’s because I was standing and the guy next to me put his arm around my shoulders because that’s what we were supposed to do during the song. Well, after we finished dancing, I wanted to either throw up or slap someone. I wanted to throw up because the dances just made me want to throw up. I wanted to slap someone because 1. They made me dance. 2. I didn’t want to dance. And 3. The dancing was horrible. I personally don’t dance unless it’s choreographed.

I may be ranting on and on about how my life is bad and how being in the front ensemble is, but that’s because that’s what I’m thinking about right now. And I just finished crying about tonight, so I thought this would be good. One of the good things about tomorrow is that I’m going to Hawaiian Falls tomorrow w/ one of my best friends who is also in the front ensemble with me. I love her, but there are times I just need to be away from her. Like tonight, she kept telling Kelsey and I to dance, and I just wanted to slap her. I almost did, too.

The marching band I’m in is the biggest high school marching band in the country. We are the Escadrille, and we are proud if it. Personally, I think it’s more fun to be in the battery, than the front ensemble. You actually get to play rather than stand/sit there doing nothing. Even now, while I’m thinking back about tonight, I want to throw up at the dancing the pit did. I guess that’s what I get for epically failing at the drumline auditions. Oh, well! Being in the band is good enough…I guess.

WE’RE THE BEST, NOW AND STILL! ESCADRILLE!