I want to start out by saying that I used to think there was something wrong me. I used to care so much about what people thought of my. Not just people, but certain people. Family, friends, people that I saw walking down the street. But mostly it was my family that I had a problem with. I used to walk around so paranoid. For example, if I was listening to rock music and I knew every here listens to rap, I would get self-conscious about my music and turn it off, or turn it down. But the music wasn’t the big problem I had to face, it was the fact that I was the odd girl out.

I read and they don’t. I watch shows like Criminal Minds, C.S.I. Miami, and Flash Point. I also watch stuff like America’s Best Dance Crew, Born To Dance, and Dancing with the Stars. I read and they don’t. I felt like I have nothing in common with my mom and I still feel like that. I thought I could change myself for her so that I could at least have something in common with her. Even if it was just a TV show. But then when I tried to that I started to hate myself. I honestly thought I was battling with a state of depression. I didn’t know how much longer I could stay in me right mind.

I thought I could talk to her about the way I was feeling because she was supposed to be there for me and I couldn’t. As soon as it was something she didn’t want to hear, she shut me out. She always told me that I could talk to her about anything. And I thought I could, but it turns out I couldn’t. I used to cry about that too. I felt abandoned, caged, and boxed in. I used to could never wait to get away from home. That was the only thing that would drive me. Just knowing I would have to be here that much longer.

I couldn’t do anything right. I couldn’t get the right grades because there would always be something wrong with them. I couldn’t listen to the right music because it isn’t something she listened to. I could watch the right shows because the right kind of people weren’t in them and they didn’t suit her taste. I just wanted to scream until I couldn’t scream anymore. I wanted to run until my legs couldn’t carry me anymore. I didn’t know who I was anymore.

It got to the point where I was looking in the mirror and didn’t know my own face from a can of paint. I was forgetting how to smile. I was crying because I was loosing site of how to live. I was just existing. I was forgetting how to smile, and laugh and be me. My friends used to ask me how I was and I used to say I was okay and put on a fake smile.

But that isn’t the case anymore. I’m great with being in my own skin. I’m great with listening to Rock and Pop. I’m great with reading romance, historical fiction, nonfiction, and what ever else novels I read. It makes me who I am. I’m great with watching the shows that I watch, even if they are about Criminal Justice and Dance. I know how to smile and live for me. Now when I look in the mirror, I see a beautiful girl who doesn’t care about being a dork and laughing until I turn blue in the face. It’s my thing. I know how to smile and the smile is real and it comes from the heart. I now know what it feels like to love myself and to be comfortable in the skin the good Lord gave me. I can happily and honestly say I am now better than okay and I always will be!!!!!!!!!!!!!