Everyone always tells kids and teenagers “when you will grow up you will realize your mom is your best friend."No one ever really had to tell me that,because I had always known.I am confused what to write about my mother as my mind is filled with emotions,the screen infront of me is getting blurred as tears roll down my eyes.My mom passed away on 25th October 2011 and even though it hasn’t been very long. She was 45 years old, dainty and fragile…. I’m not sure if I’ll ever be the same. I lost her fighting against the colorectal cancer for almost 2 years.I saw her eyes which were both terrified and fiery. She was a fighter not ready to give up. She held my hand, and this amazing lady who had always been so strong was once a frightened lady who just needed someone to hold her, love her.

As I sat and watch her sleep , I was forced to face the fact this could be the end, and I was filled with wrackling sobs and guilt. Guilt for arguing with her, moments when I disrespected her, everytime I hurt her. Today, I would give anything and everything to get a second chance and erase all those painful moments I gave her, but I am helpless. What has been done cannot be changed. All I can do today is make sure she knows that I love her, and she will always be an inseparable part of me.

Time is precious and irreversible. Most people get 50 to 60 years with their parents, I’ve had 16.Most people get to experience the joys of childhood with their parents. There was a good chance that I missed. We may not always agree with each other we may get downright angry with each other, but remember that you never know when the time slips out.

I no longer have my mother. I can barely walk past her room without collapsing.I feel a part of me has been ripped out of me and no matter what I try there will always be a void.

I covet everyone out there happy , because they have theirs mothers. Why am I not lucky like them?

I believe my mom is with God in heaven, she is free from these worldly bondages, pain and sufferings. I always pray to God to give her all joy in the world that I couldn’t give her. I’ve known since the day my mom died that something about me has changed, but for some reason I cant figure out exactly how I am different, In what ways have I changed.

She took away a part of me but left the cherished memories and I believe she has become an inseperable part of me. I don’t have to look around for her because she resides in me as the most beautiful feeling and memory.To guide me,and lead me on the right path. This thought itself is a blessed feeling.