I squeezed her hand as we walked by another group of people. I quickly glanced at them and saw they were staring at us, a couple possessed a look of slight shock, others showed some form of disgust or disapproval. I turned my head to look directly at her to see a big dopey grin and closed eyes facing towards me. "Oh my gosh, Chelsae," I faked a Valley Girl accent "what even." She opened her blue-green eyes that sparkled and just mumbled noises as a response "Eee no mmm." She kept smiling and turned around quickly, then rolled her eyes at me as if to say that they don't matter. She looked down at our intertwined hands for a second and gently squeezed mine. Looking back up, her smile no longer so big and goofy, but instead sweet and understanding. Gently bumping my head with hers, we kept walking through the mall towards JCPenny.

Walking into JCP and trying to keep a constant hand hold became a struggle. Displays and people in the middle of the hall kept getting in the way, but we managed. Eventually we found ourselves in a mostly empty stretch of a hall on our way to the Juniors section. In front of us two adults with a boy who must have been six or seven seemed to be shopping together. He walked in circles, constantly changing what held his attention. At one point he looked at me and Chelsae, then stopped walking. The woman with him grabbed his hand to pull him along, seeing his distraction, but not what caught his attention. He kept looking back as they walked ahead of us, a look of pure confusion on his face. Eventually the woman looked back and saw us, then the fact of being obviously together. A small wave of shock crossed her face and her pace picked up just a slight bit. I laughed a little at her reaction and squeezed Chelsae's hand. She turned to look at me and I rolled my eyes. "I bet when they get home he will suddenly ask why he saw two girls holding hands," I pictured him just getting into bed, then blurting the question with the most innocent tone that belonged to someone who experienced an existential crisis all day since seeing something new "maybe she'll have a heart attack." Chelsae raised her eyebrows and gave a small kind of giggle. Seeing the boy and the adults turn into a new section, I directed us into another part so I wouldn't think about the boy or how what he saw would be explained to him.

Not a frequent shopper at JCP, I ended up putting us in the children's section instead of the Juniors. Thinking of just walking through normally, we kept going. Halfway down the stretch we realized it curved only one way. "Oh well I guess we're going in circle." Chelsae observed "We'll be forever trapped in a loop of half-sized hats." I joked. An elderly woman standing at a lone register clasped a cold stare on us. She walked out from the counter and slowly yet semi-discreetly followed us. A symptom of being a teenager is workers watch our every move, not understanding our motives and fearing that at any moment we might turn into delinquents. As she got a little closer to us near the curve, I turned to look right at her face. She looked almost scared, and her gaze definitely fixed on our hands. My stomach felt like it was doing every flip possible into an Olympic sized pool of momentary shame. Another male worker just ahead soon too fixed his eyes on us. "Careful, if you look away for a moment I might turn into the worlds greatest criminal" I whispered over to Chelsae. "Too bad to be good" she said in a slightly mocking voice. "I wonder what they think we would even take," I stopped and grabbed with both hands the nearest little dress, a bright pink one with silver ribbon "oh yes, this would be perfect for prom: Viva Las Vegas" I put it back and started walking, not grabbing Chelsae's hand.

Exiting the section finally, I turned around and reached out my left hand to take hers. Taking turns squeezing each others as a form of comfort, we kept walking. I felt not mad or worried, but a little nervous about how much silent attention we received.

Getting through the entire store without finding what we searched for and not wanting to ask for directions, we decided to leave. Just as we walked back into the blue-light heaven that is Vista, my stomach gave a rumble. "I need a cupcake, I'm getting a cupcake, I'm going to do it this time," I stated, recalling that the previous week I had stood outside the cupcake shop, looking in and walking in circles "but first, Ocean Water." We started walking towards the food court, talking about the simplest things, from school to bands. The glowing neon sign of Sonic got closer and closer. I picked up my pace and started almost pulling Chelsae. As we got closer and my blurry sight focused, I realized a pack of teenage boys waiting around for their food. Stopping and rethinking my decision, wondering how they might act as we approached, my stomach decided to brave the possible comments. I thought about releasing her hand but I knew my heart would drop. The warmth of her palm became the only comfort keeping me 99% sane and not thinking every person around judging us. When we got within twenty feet of Sonic, the loud group quieted down. Ordering my drink, I waited for the cashier to swipe my card. Chelsae squeezed my hand. I heard one of the guys just five feet away whisper "Who's the man in the relationship?" Turning to look at him, I realized that I saw him in the halls at school all the time. His out-of-style SnapBack and sagging sweats told me that defending my relationship to him would never be worth my time, because nothing I might say would make him change what he thought.

Ignoring the laughter that erupted and the sound of clapping and high-fiving, I just stood there waiting for my drink, not taking my stare off of him. Quieting down, he realized my gaze and shuffled uneasily. I knew going about my business easily was the best plan of action, but in reality I could not stay quiet. Taking the deepest breath I possibly could, I cleared my throat to speak to Chelsae loud enough for them to hear "You know you’re living in a patriarchy when basic people can't understand the concept of two women sharing power and not having to rely on a man. Identifying as male doesn't equal having power. But oh well." Grabbing my drink that had finally arrived, I decided not to look at the groups reaction, because I suddenly had no care how they viewed me anymore. Turning around to walk to the cupcake shop, I leaned in to whisper to Chelsae "There isn't a man in the relationship right? Because I'm totally cool with it if there is something you haven't told me," she put her free hand on my face and hissed "Shhh nooo."