When I was younger, I had this friend. He was my first best friend, and my first guy friend. He was really funny, and kind, and we used to hangout with each other all the time. We didn't judge each other, we just had fun. I remember how easy it was to be around him. I'm usually uncomfortable with going to other people's houses. With him, it didn't matter.

I used to go hangout at his house all the time. I was with him when his parents got divorced. We didn't have to tell each other everything, we would just talk about things. Whatever was on our minds we said. Every time I think of our friendship I smile. I feel sad when I look back on this friendship though. It all came to a screeching halt because of me.

We were getting older and I started to think that he was annoying. He wasn't ever really annoying to me, but other people told me that he was and I let their opinions of him influence my opinion of him. Worst mistake of my life (so far). I was selfish. When people made fun of him I would join in. I don't think I ever told him how sorry I am. I would today, but we don't talk much. He would probably think that I'm dumb for apologizing.

I regret letting other people decide what friendships I had. I miss our friendship. So much. It was simple, easy. I wonder all the time if he misses it too. Some days I wish that he would send me a message on Facebook just to see how I'm doing. He has before, and it made my day.

I sound stupid talking like this and if he reads this he's gonna think I'm a freak. I just don't understand why I had to end the friendship. It's one of those things that I know I'll regret forever. I always wonder if we would have liked each other, what would our friendship be like today? I look back and I just hope that he's happy. I hope that his life is going well, and I hope that it will only get better. I hope some day I'll find a friendship like that again with a guy. With luck I will. Sometimes I feel like asking God why that friendship had to end. What was He making room for? If I hadn't have messed up so bad would we still be friends today? I feel so lost sometimes when I think about things that I've done and things that I regret.