Believing in myself and my abilities took confidence. When I became depressed, it was hard to get myself back up to where I wanted to be. I learned after two and a half years of suffering from depression that I wanted to change, and to change, I had to believe in myself. I wanted immediate results, but then realized it was going to take time.
My family and friends became very emotional and worried. They were my support group, they gave me hope. Many people wondered if I was mentally there. When it came to explaining everything to my younger brother why I wasn’t as happy as I was before, it got harder for me. My relationship with Elijah was like any other siblings. One minute we absolutely loved each other and the next we couldn’t bear each others existence. I knew as we got older our relationship would get better, but Elijah has ADHD (Attention Deficit Hyper Disorder), and with my anger, it was always hard to get along. I believed in trying to help him with his “condition.” Elijah asked me, “ Why do you hurt yourself?.” Elijah made me want to change, not only for myself, but for him. He looked up to me. I’m his only sister and I’d never want to take that away from him.
Music also had a big part in helping me believe in myself. I could shut out everyone else and all I would hear is the music flowing through my ears. Music put me in a whole different world, and made me see things differently. It gave me that advantage to let out the emotions. The bands I listen to inspired me to be better, and to believe that I wasn’t the only one fighting this. They could relate to me, and they wrote music to help others like me.
When I finally got help, I started doubting myself. I told myself it wasn’t going to help me. I’d get angry when I had to go to my appointments. Five months later, I was happy again, and completely clean from any type of self harm. I changed from the person I never thought I’d be, to the person I’ve always wanted to be. It wasn’t easy, but it was easier than I thought. I then realized I could do anything I wanted in the world, all it took was a little believing and confidence.