“She, she is the words that I can’t find. How can the only thing that’s killing me make me feel so alive?” -Parachute

Dakota D. is probably the most stubborn person I have ever met. When she makes up her mind about something or someone, that’s it. It’s done and over with, and there’s almost no way to change her mind. There have been so many days where I have just wanted to slap sense into her because she makes so many rush decisions. She’s mean and rude, and not afraid to speak her mind when she’s pissed off. When she does this, it annoys me so much. And I don’t like her for it. But at the same time, I am desperately and hopelessly falling for her each and every day. All through my life, I’ve liked guys. Never in my 15 years on this Earth would I have thought that I’d develop feelings for a girl. But I did. And this girl meant so much more to me than just the simple words “a girl.”
The first time I saw Dakota, I fell for her. I was determined to become her friend, and it happened. And the more we hung out, the more my feelings deepened and progressed. Every day at play practice, I’d fall for her rose colored lips, and champagne eyes that bubbled over with curiosity. My heart would pound like thunder in my chest when I felt her thin long fingers grasp for my sweaty hands. Her heartbeat was strong and defiant, making my stomach whirl with butterflies. I loved her dark brown coffee and caramel colored hair that shone with a continual flow of sweet savory strands. Her laugh flowed out of her perfectly shaped mouth like a song, having me wish to hear its sweet melody again. Everything Dakota was, was beautiful from the way she looked at me to the way she tied her shoes. I loved her within every inch of my being, and I still do. But the one thing I hate is that I’ll never be able to have a chance to call her mine. When I first met her, I wanted her to be mine. I never wanted her soft careful kisses to ever stop. I didn’t want the feeling of her hand grasping my waist to ever go away. I wanted to whisper silly jokes and sweet nothings to her, and make her laugh. I wanted to be the reason why she smiled that amazing smile that’s forever stuck in my dreams. I wanted to love her, and be there for her when she needed someone. More than anything, I wanted to see her happy.
The person she was with at this time was hurting her- badly. I remember she’d come to school and I’d see her from across the room. The pain in her eyes was unbearable. It ripped through every muscle in my body, making me want to run over and hold her and kiss her and just never let go. I’d see her tear stained face, and I’d feel so horrible because I knew I couldn’t do anything. I tried everything I could to get to her, but nothing worked. Each day was worse than the one before. Slowly, Dakota started to push me away. She wouldn’t sit next to me anymore at play practice, or look happy when she saw me like she did before. Everyone I talked to said to give up- she was leaving me. But I refused to believe it. I kept going, trying to do everything right I possibly could just to get even a faint smile from her freckled face. The day she told me she picked the other girl was the day I felt incomplete. I couldn’t move, or breathe, or speak. I was just in shock as I sat there for a while, feeling like the tin man with no beating heart. I was so nice to her, yet she decided to choose the girl that treated her like crap? I couldn’t wrap my mind around that idea, and all night I tossed and turned hopelessly, yearning to know why she did this to me. How could she, after everything I did?
Dakota has stopped talking to me completely now. She won’t even look at me. I’m struggling every day to deal with these feelings that I have for her because every day I want nothing more than to be able to kiss her one last time, and feel her warmth jolt through my body. But I know that my time with Dakota is at an end, and no matter how much I hate it, I need to let her go because if that other girl is what makes her happy, then it doesn’t matter. That’s all I’ve ever wanted this whole time is for her to be happy.