I am going to tell you a secret, it's a very personal secret. It's important that you hear me out. My secret makes me feel guilty every day, it hurts me to think about. It eats me up inside out. Okay, here goes;

I wish I had a normal brother. 

 I know what you're thinking, everyone thinks that, everyone with a fifteen year-old brother wants a normal brother. His socks in your room, pee on the toilet seat, him using your zit cream/shampoo/conditioner/phone/computer/basically anything that's yours, his clothes on the bathroom floor, yelling at you when you enter any room he's in, denying your existience as his sister.

 My brother does this, - and more. My brother had Asperger's syndrome, a type of autism that limits his social skills, his concepts of things. The boy can't tie his shoes! He can't talk quite right, like he's a genius right? His IQ is about 140, and he has so many facts swimming around his brain but it's hard for him to share them with the world.

 He puts me down a lot too. He thinks it's funny I guess. But I think it's his way of making him feel better about himself, like he can't carry out a conversation - I don't make fun of him - I can do a math problem? I don't know some random fact? Boom. I'm being made fun of.

 But the thing that brings tears to my eyes the most is when my friends talk about the fun they have with their brothers. It makes me realize my brother and I fight, but we don't talk. I'll never have stories to tell my kids about their uncle and me. I want to but every time I try to create those memories?

 Put-downs. Misunderstandings. Fights.

And really it sucks, because my brother is so deep underwater I'm beginning to let him drown.