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Decision and Indecision
So here I am, sitting on my bed. I have a day or two to finish this project, so I’m not terribly stressed. I almost always leave projects until the last minute, and then I get stressed, which is not fun. But not this time. I’m making a change… kind of. I don’t know if you can say two days in advance is really not procrastinating. I’ve had time to work on the project too, but it’s always been “I don’t have my computer with me” as an excuse or “I didn’t have time because I had softball” Well… that’s not completely true. I have time before bed every night when I’m just sitting on my computer, surfing the internet, watching anime, or reading manga. And writing. I love writing. Writing is a huge stress reliever to me. I create my own world and characters. They don’t have to be in any real time or place, and I’m in complete control, and even if someone doesn’t like it, that’s ok. To each their own.
Well here I am, lying on my bed. What can I write? I have my list of likes and dislikes(the things I’m combining into an interesting story for this assignment),all seemingly random, next to me on a note card. The card is written in my best handwriting, so of course it took me longer to write than it should have, and it is also beautifully organized. I take a deep breath. My room is clean, and the kitchen in clean. I can work in peace. I think about what I can write about. Everyone writes about travel, so that’s off the list, talking about school is something I’d normally do, but I’m not feeling the inspiration with that. I look at my lists again. How on earth am I supposed to combine these? And how did I think about some of these? Sure a lot of them have the same topic, but how do I work that into a normal sounding paragraph?!
So here I am, lying on my bed. Wearing my stay at home clothes, shorts, that’s right shorts. I never wear shorts, but here I am. I’m wearing them because it’s hot. It’s hot because it’s summer, and my computer is generating a lot of heat because I have my normal barrage of tabs open. A tab for Facebook, Pandora, my e-mail, and various others. My Pandora is almost always on my Gaelic Storm station, and I listen to Celtic music. It helps me think because not all of them have words. Unfortunately, when my sister is also in the room, I have to listen to “popular” music, which means my Maroon 5 station, which isn’t terrible, but I just never listen to it, so I get a lot of songs that I don’t like. This means that I have to stop working and hit the thumbs down button. Sometimes Pandora is replaced with Netflix, and my Word Document is minimized and I have something playing on half the screen while I work. Most of the time it’s Star Trek; the series I’m currently watching is Deep Space Nine. Sometimes it’s a YouTube video instead of Netflix. Normally the channel would be PeanutButterGamer, Vlogbrothers, or MentalFloss.
And here I am, lying on my bed. I’ve just made the same spelling mistake twice in a row, and my foot is shaking. How did I do that? I hate grammatical errors, except when I’m writing something like this, and then I have a lot of fragments, and all of them are etching themselves into my yes, making me look at them… with their green underline, which signifies the grammatical errors that I already knew I made the moment I wrote them. I let out a sigh and look at my notecard. My likes and dislikes have changed. Actually, it’s mostly my dislikes, which I’ve always had a problem with. I know that there are things I don’t like, there are foods that I won’t eat because I’m picky, and there are types of behavior I hate, but those things seem so trivial. I think that most people have the opposite issue. Most people are more willing to talk about their faults, rather than the things that they’re good at.
So here I am, sitting on my bed. I feel like I need more dislikes… How are there not more things that I dislike in the world? And just as I think that my many mosquito bites come to my attention and I reach to scratch the one on my ankle. There’s something I hate. Mosquito bites. And there’s another fragment. And now of course I’m just listing, which isn’t any fun. How much more cliché could I be? I’m more creative than this, but I just can’t concentrate with pop songs playing.
Well here I am sitting on my bed. I have plenty of likes, and plenty of dislikes. I always hope that I’ve done a good job. I’m afraid that I’ve written too much detail, or that it’s too lengthy, as I love writing in details that probably don’t add much to the overall essay. When I start writing it’s almost impossible for me to stop.
So here I am sitting on my bed. My paragraphs are done, and written. It’s another late night with another softball game tomorrow, so I’m going to bed. Late. Again.
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This piece was written as a homework assignment as a get to know you activity in the first semester of my junior year. I really enjoyed letting my ideas just flow straight from my head and feeling them ebb through my fingers and onto the page.
This was something that I feel encompasses me and my school self very well and I hope that this is relateable.