The pit in your stomach when you feel like you've done nothing but disappoint everyone and most especially yourself is probably the worst feeling in the world. I'm sure everyone has had that one moment in their life when they have felt like everything is just going to crumble and fall and there is no way to bounce back from that. It's so hard, trying to find what's right for you when all you've ever felt was like you were wrong. When you fill yourself up with doubt and you can't trust that anything will ever go right. That has to be the biggest tragedy of all time. It is a sad realization.

I'm in a pit. I'm lost and confused. I don't have my mind set on goals, I don't know what I'm good at, and I don't know who I am. I feel like I've been traveling all alone for years and years and all I've done was go in circles. My experiences are very little to none. You could say that I'm a very cautious girl. I care about other's opinions, how it makes them feel, how they see me as a person. I guess I've made it a bad habit and now I don't know what to do. 

I always assumed that I'll find my way. That I won't end up just like everyone else in my family but here I am today, a dead end. Is this was it feels like? Is this what disappointment and embarrassment feels like for other people? I'm embarrassed of myself because I tell everyone that I've got my head straight, that I know what I want but here I am still with nothing. I try my best to do everything that I can but I never like what I do. It doesn't satisfy me and maybe that's my problem. I'm always searching for what makes me happy but I'm never content with what I have accomplished. I always give up to early in the race but I don't regret my choices. I know in my heart what's right for me and some things just aren't meant for everyone. It's a learning experience and now I have really come to realize how true that is. 

Growing up but having your youth taken away from you for a long time is one of the hardest things to overcome. You feel obligated to always be your best, to not make mistakes because you're too old to make mistakes. That's how I've felt for so many years and at times it still haunts me. I had to grow up too fast and now I can't remember what it's like to feel free and to feel like I'm young. I'm getting older, all the years are passing me by but I'm still afraid to let go. I'm scared of the consequences and I'm scared that I won't be able to handle anything on my own. I'm scared that I'm going to make the biggest mistake of my life once I make one small mistake and then everything just blows up in my face. Me being scared to face what I want is the biggest obstacle I have had to deal with my whole life. I was always scared. Still am. 

What can you do to overcome yourself? To make yourself realize that whatever you set your heart to, you can accomplish. The problem with that, I don't know what my heart wants, my mind can't even make a simple decision without me having an anxiety attack. I'm stuck and I don't know how to get free....