Kids that come from a single parent aren’t always messed up. Even though I was dealt a bad hand, it doesn’t necessarily mean I don’t have the power to play my cards right. For most of my childhood I was often told that I would end up with numerous psychological issues and that I would inevitably become a failure because of the support that I didn’t necessarily have growing up. Of course I didn’t have two supportive parents. I only had one, but I’m doing okay. And other kids that come from only one parent need to understand that we’re not failures, and we shouldn’t be categorized into one through stereotypes. Here are just a few lessons I’ve learned that have helped me to cope with being fatherless.  I hope they bring as much relevance to your life as they have for mine.

We’re all dealing with some type of conflict in our family whether that is a financial one or a personal one. You shouldn’t feel like the only one carrying a burden on your two shoulders.. I was never content with telling people that I didn’t have a father, but then I came to the realization that other kids don’t as well. We’re all just trying to get by; don’t ever feel embarrassed about the issues that you have to come home to.

Find people who understand what you’re going through. You cannot choose your family, but you do have a choice in selecting your friends, and those people will become the second most important people in your life alongside your family. Spend your time with people who only want the best for you. Never settle for anything less than that. And remember friendship is never supposed to be one-sided. 

Learn to be kind to others. You have absolutely no idea what others have to deal with, so open your heart to those in need, and I’m sure they’ll reciprocate that love in return. Spend time with people outside your friendship group. Give advice to those that ask for it.

Stop bottling up your feelings. Find something you love to do in order to take your mind off of things, but try not to escape. I took up writing because it calmed me down, and I was able to escape the torture in my mind and enter a life I actually found rewarding. Writing has given me so many opportunities and has made me proud to be doing something I love with such enthusiasm and passion.

I might not get a Father Daughter Dance, but I’ll get the kind of life-long Mother Daughter relationship most kids won’t ever get. I was so angry about my situation that I stopped cherishing everything else in my life, which lead me to believe I lived a pretty mediocre one. But after so many years of wishing for a father, I’ve grown to be thankful for what I do have: a loving, supportive mother. And that is more than I can ever hope for, so be thankful for what you do have. There is so much more to life than what appears on the surface. Cherish what life has to offer you. We aren’t bound to fail, I can promise you that.